I listened to talk radio way too much at work today. I’ve got the talk radio hangover. Now I wanna move to Texas, arm myself and buy a supply of dried food that I can store underground. I’m about to get torn limb from limb by a mob of unemployed hippies. I’m about to be abducted by a Communist UFO. I’m about to either get blown up by a terrorist or run over by a drunken illegal immigrant, I’m not sure which. It’s all scary. There are billionaire bankers who want me to starve and panhandlers who want to slit my throat.
I need to take my big gun with me everywhere I go. I have to be able to take it to my church. I have to be able to take it to my child care center. Those children out there are rabid, you know.
What I need is for someone to save me. Someone knows what the truth is. Someone knows what God is thinking and can tell me. Tell me what to do, please.
Actually what I need to do is turn off the damn radio. The chatter is funny at first, but then it turns into poison flowing into my mind.
Isn’t there a station somewhere playing Christmas carols already?
Quick note: Since I know people get bent out of shape these days, yes, the above is satire. I do not even have a big gun, much less am I planning to take it anywhere. However, on a connected note, the BBC News is reporting that sales of bulletproof glass have quadrupled in America during the last two years, as the American economy has tanked. Just a little something to chew on.