I listened to talk radio way too much at work today. I’ve got the talk radio hangover. Now I wanna move to Texas, arm myself and buy a supply of dried food that I can store underground. I’m about to get torn limb from limb by a mob of unemployed hippies. I’m about to be abducted by a Communist UFO. I’m about to either get blown up by a terrorist or run over by a drunken illegal immigrant, I’m not sure which. It’s all scary. There are billionaire bankers who want me to starve and panhandlers who want to slit my throat.
I need to take my big gun with me everywhere I go. I have to be able to take it to my church. I have to be able to take it to my child care center. Those children out there are rabid, you know.
What I need is for someone to save me. Someone knows what the truth is. Someone knows what God is thinking and can tell me. Tell me what to do, please.
Actually what I need to do is turn off the damn radio. The chatter is funny at first, but then it turns into poison flowing into my mind.
Isn’t there a station somewhere playing Christmas carols already?
Quick note: Since I know people get bent out of shape these days, yes, the above is satire. I do not even have a big gun, much less am I planning to take it anywhere. However, on a connected note, the BBC News is reporting that sales of bulletproof glass have quadrupled in America during the last two years, as the American economy has tanked. Just a little something to chew on.
eurobrat 
12/01/2011 at 9:57 pm
Fantastico and good to see you’re scribbling again! A few thoughts: 1. About 25 years ago I first hear Rush Limbaugh on the radio. I thought he was hilarious. Feminazis? Brilliant! But then I realized he was serious. It was very disturbing. 2. Well, see #1. No wait, #2: I thought the rush to buy guns and bulletproof glass was in dire fear that that Socialist Obama was going to take away our guns and create deathcamps for right-wing freedom fighters. Could be wrong. I suppose the only way to know is bulletproof your truck, load it with weapons then park it inside your church and see what happens. Prob’ly nuttin!
12/01/2011 at 9:58 pm
ah hell, should read “heard” and not “hear.” it’s those oxycodones what got me blurry.
12/02/2011 at 2:10 pm
The guns aren’t just for Obama, they’re for everybody else who’s out to get you. Remember, the Occupy Wall Street/Portland/Whatever people are bound to turn into violent radicals at any moment!
I’m glad you enjoyed my blog, since it was a bit of a rant. I’ve been listening to a lot of these talk shows lately out of morbid curiosity, and I could feel my mind starting to rot away. Careful with the oxycodones there 🙂
12/07/2011 at 9:26 am
Very funny – well done! 🙂
And why some folks choose to fill their head with all this hatred and garbage beats me. It’s a bad life, and it’s bad for everyone else, too.
12/08/2011 at 7:15 pm
Well, like I said, I listen to that stuff out of morbid curiosity. I know that I shouldn’t…especially when it comes to Glenn Beck, he’s even more venomous and insane than the rest of them, and yet I keep coming back to his show. It must be the “watching a car wreck” factor.
Thank you for the kudos 🙂
12/09/2011 at 9:04 am
Oh, I didn’t mean it like that 🙂 Just people who soak it in as truth and a sane world view. So they can reinforce their hatred and get informed about the “real” real world – how everything really is behind the “liberal scam” and so on.
Sorry if it was a bit unclear! 🙂
(Me too listen to Rush at times – for example when he wants reparations from the Indians over their invention of tobacco – thereby killing millions of whites.)
12/09/2011 at 8:12 pm
I actually did get what you meant, mac 🙂 Just felt the need to do some additional explaining (perhaps to myself).
Wow, I haven’t heard about *that* Rush line yet…OMG. *headdesk*