December 2011


I’ve been scouring the news, searching for good 2012 predictions, and one word comes to mind:  boooring.  It seems the political and economic crisis we’ve been suffering under has broken our spirits.

Here are some general predictions I’ve found for the upcoming year:  Celebrities and politicians are going to be more cautious about their tweets, since they’ve put their foot in their mouth so many times last year (think Charlie Sheen etc).  Consumers will continue to be cautious about their shopping and will increase the amount of shopping they do locally.  In fact, the stock market has ended the year at exactly the same place where it started in 2011, so in spite of all of the turbulence and ups and downs, we’re essentially stuck in the same spot.  After disappointment in Obama’s pie in the sky promises, voters are likely to go with a more practical candidate, like a Romney.  Nations like Iran and North Korea will continue to threaten us, but their threats will end with posturing and be more bark than bite (actually, I hope that one is true).

The wonderful thing about a New Year is that everything is still possible.  Since this may be our very last year, let’s make this the best party ever.  Let’s throw caution to the four winds and bring some reckless excitement back into our lives.  In fact, let’s be crazy dreamers and give President Obama a second chance.

I am very fortunate to have friends in my life who love to party, who love wine and beer and cheese and belly dancing.  It will not take much prompting to convince them to make 2012 a supremely decadent year.  So there’s my New Year’s resolution.  I am going to start working on it tonight and I hope all of you do too…good luck!

Advertisements

Christmas may be gone, but the War on Christmas never ends.  Or the War on Christianity, by which I mean True Christianity—the Christianity of virtues, and traditional marriages, and pie-baking of various kinds.  I’m starting to realize just what sad shape the soldiers of Christmas are in these days.

Of course, the True Christians are excited at the thought of Obama getting kicked out of the White House in 2012, since as we all know, he’s secretly a Muslim.  But if he does lose, what is coming to replace him?  Mitt Romney—a Mormon. Definitely not a true believer by Tea Party standards.  Then there’s Gingrich.  He might just barely qualify to be a Christian, but as a Papist with multiple divorces under his belt, he’s not exactly a prize.  For some reason, all of the True Christian candidates have bombed in the polls.  Surely it’s not because their ideas suck.

No, let’s not forget that the heathens are being aided in their success by the media.  The journalists, who are atheists or agnostics (and Commies).  The entertainment industry, which is full of old hippies and pagans.  One might wonder why all of these disparate and often contradictory theologies would unite just so they can oppose the evangelical Christian.  There’s probably an intricate conspiracy theory connecting them all, one which I don’t have the time and energy to think of right now. 

Maybe I’ll ask the people who believe in a War on Christmas.

So this is it, 2012.  This is the year when it will all end for us, or we will all get elevated to a higher level of consciousness.  I’ve heard some interpret the Mayan calendar to say that this is when “He will come”.  And of course, the Presidential election will save or end America as we know it.

So here’s to 2012 being the year of something I sorely lack in my own life – the Year of Certainty.  It will once and for all become clear who and what is right in this world.  God’s existence will be proven or disproven, especially if the year includes His arrival.  Scientists will find the God particle and we will understand why the Universe is here.  The election results, whichever way they go, will make America a great country again.  Either the free market or socialism will give everyone prosperity, security, and a job.  I will finally know what I want to do with my life.  

But naturally, none of this will happen.  Instead of coming to a swift, graceful end, our existence will continue to plod on.  There will be nobody returning to us from the clouds, and nobody at our door.  My heart will veer wildly from spirituality to cynicism, depending on how much pain it is in at a given moment.   Those damned quarks and anti-quarks will keep doing their own thing.  And I’ll keep working at an insurance company because I can’t come up with anything better to do.

Still, I wish everyone a happy doubtful and dithering 2012.  To those of you who already have the miracle of Certainty and who know that you are always correct about everything, I envy you.  For the rest of us, may the decorations on our tree be funky, our cups of chocolate mint tea steaming hot, our dogs and cats cuddly on our laps, and our blogs controversial.  Happy Holidays!

Paper notebooking, that is.

I’ve always been partial to pen and paper, probably because I grew up without computers.  I still write all of the first drafts of my short stories in a notebook, and only then transfer them into Word.  Over the past few years, I’ve been under the sad impression that I’m one of those hopeless dinosaurs, clinging to the ways of the past.  Sort of like my fiction writing college professor who insisted on typing all of her novels on an old typewriter.

But now here comes Julian Assange to rock my world, as always.  Use a condom, Julian!  Heh…sorry about that.  It turns out (and it comes as no big surprise) that our iPhone conversations are being intercepted, our Web surfing is under surveillance.  Leading me to the scary question…especially as an Internet addict…what if one day I am forced to disconnect?

I’ve been fortunate to grow up with parents who participated in a computer-free protest movement back in Poland.  These are the techniques which an American resistance may have to use in some bleak future world.  Illicit pamphlets on illegal printing presses.  Scattering paper leaflets.  Manifestoes on walls.  Good old word of mouth.

Yes, all these are far less quick and efficient methods of communication than my posting this blog right now to a theoretically unlimited audience.  We’ve all seen the social networking potential of the Arab Spring.  But what happens when the online system is controlled by the government we oppose?  What if we can’t use it to resist, precisely because the system is used to monitor our resistance?

If nothing else, I can envision a time when I will once again have to confine my thoughts and opinions to the pages of my private notebook, where they can’t be read, instead of putting them here on my blog.   I hope that day never comes.  But I’m keeping a blank page of paper at my bedside, just in case.