Christmas may be gone, but the War on Christmas never ends. Or the War on Christianity, by which I mean True Christianity—the Christianity of virtues, and traditional marriages, and pie-baking of various kinds. I’m starting to realize just what sad shape the soldiers of Christmas are in these days.
Of course, the True Christians are excited at the thought of Obama getting kicked out of the White House in 2012, since as we all know, he’s secretly a Muslim. But if he does lose, what is coming to replace him? Mitt Romney—a Mormon. Definitely not a true believer by Tea Party standards. Then there’s Gingrich. He might just barely qualify to be a Christian, but as a Papist with multiple divorces under his belt, he’s not exactly a prize. For some reason, all of the True Christian candidates have bombed in the polls. Surely it’s not because their ideas suck.
No, let’s not forget that the heathens are being aided in their success by the media. The journalists, who are atheists or agnostics (and Commies). The entertainment industry, which is full of old hippies and pagans. One might wonder why all of these disparate and often contradictory theologies would unite just so they can oppose the evangelical Christian. There’s probably an intricate conspiracy theory connecting them all, one which I don’t have the time and energy to think of right now.
Maybe I’ll ask the people who believe in a War on Christmas.