The recent brouhaha in the Michigan legislature, in which Republican male legislators got their panties in a bunch over a female legislator using the word “vagina”, got me to thinking about my vocabulary. The men involved claimed that they were trying to defend the ladies and protect our virgin ears from hearing such vulgar language. I’m grateful for their…ahem, assistance. But I’m also realizing that I don’t know enough about conservative linguistics, so I may need some help. Which word would these guys have considered acceptable instead of vagina? Obviously pu**y would be out of the question. (Putting in the asterisks as I’m not sure which words WordPress might get offended about.) Would lady cat be better? And don’t even get me started on the c-word…I don’t particularly like to see that one used myself.
An Internet search revealed some intriguing alternatives. Some were disturbing, such as “sugar box”, others hilarious, like “sinhole”. I think “sinhole” has a lot of potential for the Michigan House reps, and while we’re at it, why not go straight to “monster” or “soul-devouring void”. Let’s face it, a lot of those guys still believe we have vagina dentatas down there. That might explain some of the secretive gay sex on the conservative side.
Seriously, though, what would conservatives find to be acceptable wording? Help me out here. Lady parts? The unmentionable place? “Their thing”? Sadly, I have a suspicion that they would prefer it if our vaginas–and the rest of our bodies–were just not mentioned at all. Well, tough ta-tas–those days are dead and gone. Personally, I think the word vagina will do just fine, thank you. It’s the medical term, it’s not insulting slang…and if you try to stop me from saying it, you may end up hearing some far more colorful language from me.