What will those be like, I wonder? Will there be little child dancers fighting the evil Pink Triangle trying to recruit them into homosexuality? Will the ladies of Pussy Riot perform a touching song about how beautiful life can be in a gulag? Will Putin ride out on a horse, all macho and bare-chested? What about Edward Snowden in a bodysuit? Toilets that will actually work?
Honestly, at this time, unless the opening ceremonies include a festive parade of happy gay people with their newly adopted stray dogs, I really don’t wanna watch ’em. The idea of Putin’s Russia putting on a show about world peace and love is too ludicrous for consideration. I had a difficult time watching the Beijing Olympics because I have a problem with how that country treats the Falun Gong and Christians–looks like these Olympics will be an equally painful event.