One fine morning, I woke up and decided to love and accept myself just the way I am. It was one of the worst decisions I ever made in my life.
I loved myself through long days of eating junk food and watching TV, until I became overweight and unhealthy. I was too lazy to work out–well, what of it? I was the type who liked to spend her day on the couch, and I accepted myself that way. I accepted my unemployed self, too–not all of us are a good fit for a regular job, after all. And who was I to force my special inner child to do things it didn’t want to do? Anyway, I was going to be a writer. Never mind that I wasn’t writing anything, forever waiting for inspiration to strike. Truth is, I wasn’t doing a goddamn thing except mooching off my very patient family. But to admit this would have meant being critical of myself. And criticizing yourself was bad and mean.
So I loved myself right into sloppiness and mediocrity and low expectations. And one day, I realized I didn’t like myself anymore. And it was freeing. I looked at my existence and thought “Um…I’m kind of a loser.” It felt great to say this out loud. Now that I was no longer delusional about who I was, I could start to work on my life and make it better.
I’ve come a long way since then, but I make sure to remind myself of that time once in a while, when it seems like my standards may be slipping again. Not to get all New Age cheesy about it, but the Universe gave me a learning experience about just how pathetic I’m capable of being. I have learned and I’ve moved on, but I will still say, in my best Grumpy Cat voice: “I don’t love myself…GOOD.”
05/26/2014 at 1:09 pm
Sounds like an interesting story, where it goes from here too 🙂
05/27/2014 at 8:14 am
Thanks, I certainly hope so 🙂 Life has been getting better so far!
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05/27/2014 at 1:24 pm
Any exciting plans or intentions?
I’m doing a little reboot here myself in regards to thoughts and plans about the future (back in Italy after a short trip to France), and I’d love to hear about inspiring ideas and new changes!! 🙂
05/27/2014 at 8:59 pm
I just celebrated a birthday yesterday, so this would be the time to have inspiring thoughts and intentions, but I don’t seem to have too much of that going. I definitely intend to continue blogging. Lately, my writing has shifted more to the personal rather than just pure politics. Perhaps I feel more connected to writing about what I know, rather than political machinations I can only view from a distance.
Other than that, just want to enjoy my life and have a good time with my friends! We’re only here for a short time, gotta do that while you still can.
05/28/2014 at 12:48 am
So true. And happy birthday!! 😀
05/28/2014 at 7:31 am
Thank you 🙂 Yes, posts about France and Italy would be wonderful, and far less depressing than political stuff 🙂
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05/28/2014 at 8:31 am
Exactly. I’m in Ravenna now f.ex., the capital of the Roman Empire around 400-480 d.c., and the city of mosaics! It’s really beautiful here 🙂 And very green!
05/28/2014 at 7:57 pm
Sounds wonderful! Blog it, blog it 😉
05/28/2014 at 12:51 am
And I’ve considered doing some more traveling posts on the t&p blog – to have something more fun and positive to share and write about! 😀
06/18/2014 at 6:36 pm
Great learning experience! 😀 We all have the power to change.
06/18/2014 at 6:55 pm
So true, and sometimes the changes take us in unexpected directions! Thanks for reading.
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