Well, it’s that time–a new Star Wars movie is coming. I can tell because my Facebook feed is cluttered with trailers, previews, lightsabers and heated debates about stormtroopers. I know all my friends are excited, but I have to say that the whole thing leaves me cold and indifferent, probably because I’m no fun.
Here are a few hypothetical scenarios in an alternative galaxy far, far away which might actually make me care about the new lightsaber:
*If it cracks open a bottle of booze for me,
*If it’s mentioned anywhere in the Senate report about “enhanced interrogations,”
*If Elizabeth Warren gets to use it on our banking system,
*If “The Lightsaber” is the name of a real adult toy, batteries included,
*and definitely if it causes some of those obnoxious holiday shoppers to poke an eye out with it…bah, humbug.
In the meantime, I guess I’ll have to avoid Facebook for the next couple of…hmmmm…how many more of those movies are there going to be? Oh, Jesus.
eurobrat 
12/21/2014 at 7:52 pm
Being in my sixties, a Mother of three, and Grandmother, I will only say this:
I watched the first Star Wars movie and thought it was stupid. Then, as it progressed, I found it to be even more idiotic, as did my grown children.
I can only hope these film makers can think of something stimulating, educational, and interesting to show my Grandchildren. (Because that CRAP won’t cut it!)
12/22/2014 at 7:32 am
I’m glad I’m not the only one who is underwhelmed by those movies. They’re entertaining enough, but they’re not worthy of the cult worship so many people give them. I….don’t…get…it…..
Sent from my iPhone
>
12/22/2014 at 7:33 am
And I wouldn’t hold my breath for film makers coming up with something intellectually stimulating 😉
Sent from my iPhone
>
01/06/2015 at 2:18 pm
Forget thoughtful. That’s beyond them. How about just coming up anything at all?
An ever increasing percentage of Hollywood activity is dedicated to sequels, prequels, re-makes and just outright copying other nation’s stuff. For all the billions passing through Hollywood every year, a city’s worth of “creative geniuses” still can’t crank out more than half a dozen decent, relatively original, ideas a year. Even then, most of them could have been done better.
01/07/2015 at 8:07 pm
I can’t tell you how tired I am of the re-make phenomenon. 90% of the time the original movie wasn’t that great in the first place, and I definitely don’t need to see it the second time around.
01/09/2015 at 3:19 pm
Usually, most remakes are of decent movies that had little room for improvement. One that I thought could have been made better actually turned out to be THE worst remake in movie history, Rollerball 2002-ish. I wrote a 5,000 word rant on it once. But here’s the ultra-short list.
1) Spoiler Alert: LL Cool J is in it.
2) The studio pulled it in panic while trailers for it were running in the theatre and posters were on public display. They actually thought this expensive sack of shit was going to be a box office goldmine. Then somebody watched it.
3) For about a year, they desperately tried to re-edit it to make it suck less. In the process, these fucking geniuses took out a nude scene featuring Rebecca Romijn-Stamos! They took what was likely the only thing going for this piece of shit so they could get a more teen friendly movie rating. Apparently, that was they key to drawing more butts into the seats. “Oh yeah. That smoking hot babe and her hooters just have to go. Nobody ever will want to see that.”
4) Uzbecky-beckystan has a top franchise in a global pro-sports league.
5) A pointless, idiotic, 45 minute long, laws of physics defying, chase scene that not only contains no plot consequence of note, it’s shot in NIGHT-VISION GREEN!
6) The strongest parts of the original -the fantastic game sequences- are beyond laughable in the remake. Nobody seeing this shit could EVER think they were watching an actual sport. Not a single aspect of the shockingly few game scenes made any sense whatsoever.
12/23/2014 at 3:39 am
Woman! It’s Christmas. And this dose of sarcasm is better than Krissmas Kake. Ha ha ha. I’d like to volunteer to use the light sabre for all of the above. Please.
12/23/2014 at 7:35 am
Excellent! I’m starting to think the adult toy light saber might be a business idea to consider 😉
Sent from my iPhone
>
12/23/2014 at 7:49 am
This is so dirty. We must do this. Have an awesome day at work.
12/23/2014 at 7:50 am
Thank you 🙂
Sent from my iPhone
>
01/07/2015 at 12:38 pm
If I recall, I think somebody tried it in the late 80’s and Lucas sued.