For the past week or two, Facebook has been pressuring me to post my year in review photo slideshow, under the headline of “It’s been a great year!” Because it’s always a fantastic year on Facebook! Yay! I took a peek at my slideshow, and it looked like a year in the life of a fake person I don’t know. Which is my own fault, since when I’m on Facebook I’m a strict follower of the “polite small talk only” rule, and I don’t exactly show my true self there.
This is what the year in review would look like for a real human being, instead of one created by the Facebook-bots:
January: Working lots of hours of overtime. This is going to be a continuing theme for the rest of the year. My profile picture for the year in review should be a pic of the cubicle wall I’ll spend most of my time staring at.
February: Relationship falls apart. Insert adorable video of screaming couple.
March: Don Lemon spends the entire month playing with a model airplane.
April: Great vacation at the coast. Rented a room right above a brewery. Insert hangover pictures.
May: Fuck! Did I really just turn a year older? More hangover pictures.
June: The weather outside is finally getting nice! Another picture of the beautiful view of my cubicle wall.
July: Burned my fingers on fireworks, and the cops came looking for the illegal explosives. This was actually a great month!
August: Hot and bored. Nothing interesting ever happens in August.
September: This is the month when I always volunteer for the local arts festival, in a futile attempt to feel like I’m more than just an office cubicle monkey.
October: Another Halloween, still no idea for a costume. Insert selfie in bulky, unflattering sweater.
November: Election night. WTF, America?
December: It’s holiday time! Insert picture of people in a mall killing each other.
So yeah, it’s been a year. And it appears another one has started. Don’t know yet if it will be “great!”, but for now, I’m wishing all of us a 2015 marked by the absence of pain.