The man being interviewed clears his throat thoughtfully, as he ponders the really big dilemmas. Does alien life exist out there in the universe? Will we find it–or will it find us–one day?
I think the entire conversation is silly. We’ve been receiving alien transmissions for a long time. All I have to do to hear them is turn the radio dial.
“Who knows if the theory of evolution is true? And who cares? Why would you even ask anyone about it…it’s such a gotcha question!”
“Kbbhhlth…zgfffx…Women who want equal pay are angry feminazis….”
Somewhere in the darkest reaches of space, a planet is spinning wildly. Its empty canyons echo with the sounds of Joni Ernst’s manic laughter, its silence occasionally interrupted by the sobbing call of the orange-hued Boehner. It’s beaming its signals back to the reality I inhabit. Its messages are enigmatic and difficult to decipher.
“It was a good decision to go into Iraq…bleep bleep blorp…”
What in God’s name are these lifeforms trying to say? Either this is a civilization so advanced that I am unable to follow the twists and turns of its logic, or these aliens have spent such a long time breathing in their own unique atmosphere that it has driven them nuts.
The serious question is, why do I continue to spend my time intercepting their radio communications, trying to make sense of the garbled noise they broadcast? I could listen to NPR, which reports on actual Earth news as opposed to that of an alternate universe. The NPR hosts speak in measured, reasonable tones. The guests are experts in their field. They don’t scream at the people they disagree with, or break down weeping, or rave with excitement about the upcoming end of the world. So why do I change the station?
Could it be that I’m just a little bit crazy myself? Could it be that I have an attachment to my beliefs which is unreasonable, immoderate, irrational? Is it easier for me to identify with these strange creatures which lose their temper when they care too much, than with the humans who calmly explain how they feel?
Whatever the case, I will keep listening for the sounds of the insane planet, listening to it whirling in the darkness, while I sit in front of the radio and whirl around my own confused axis.
eurobrat 
03/07/2015 at 1:36 pm
Haha! Last week, I spent about 5 hours on the phone with a friend who couldn’t sleep after he watched videos about lizard aliens on earth in the bodies of humans, such as Beyonce. I kid you not.
03/07/2015 at 4:54 pm
Bahaha! I know you’re not kidding, because guess what, I’ve seen those videos too! Videos about the “reptilians”, which are supposedly disguised as members of our gov’t, the British royal family etc! No wonder your friend couldn’t sleep–those are some genuinely nutty videos. (Didn’t know Beyonce was a reptilian, though!)
03/08/2015 at 12:31 pm
Yeah – “reptilians”. My friend has become obsessed and looks to see if there are lizard eyes on top of human eye lids as he sees people in the store, at work, etc.
03/08/2015 at 6:10 pm
Ohhhhkay…so this has clearly become more serious than watching some random YouTube videos. Your friend is deep down the rabbit hole….
Sent from my iPhone
>
03/08/2015 at 7:11 pm
Riiight! I think our talk the other night helped. At least he’s been able to sleep since then.
03/09/2015 at 6:27 pm
I’m glad you’re there for your friend. You know, I think we’re all stressed out or frightened on some level about the world we live in…this expresses itself in different ways. A belief in reptilians is a bit more extreme, but it comes from the same place….
03/10/2015 at 1:08 pm
It’s an odd situation. I don’t know how my friend got involved in that stuff, and I’m happy that he did confide in me.
03/11/2015 at 7:03 pm
It’s always a good sign when your friends trust you enough to share their weirdest ideas with you 🙂
03/07/2015 at 6:42 pm
You’re right. They are aliens and I can’t believe people actually believe that nonsense. How is demanding to be treated equally a sign that we are opressors? You see, I don’t turn on my radio or television for that reason: I don’t need those aliens. Thanks for this post and the analogy was a perfect to the way these people behave: like not fellow humans.
03/08/2015 at 11:12 am
I completely understand wanting to avoid this stuff. No worries, I’ll be here to intercept the alien transmissions and communicate the pertinent bits back to you 😉
03/08/2015 at 2:41 pm
Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
03/11/2015 at 10:34 am
If you can find intelligent life anywhere on this planet, you deserve a fucking medal…and tickets to a planet that actually does have intelligent life!
03/11/2015 at 6:59 pm
I’ll keep trying!
04/02/2015 at 8:52 pm
The aliens who live on other planets are not stupid. They have been observing earth for thousands of years now and they are fully aware of how war-like earthlings can be and how earthlings’ ideas of expanding their influence into the cosmos might pose a threat to other societies “Out There” so for years now they have been communicating selectively with earth people they think they can trust and they have been broadcasting electronic impulses in the form of radio waves to all the rest of humanity and this radio energy is designed to make the people affected by it believe there is no such thing as extraterrestrial life forms.
04/02/2015 at 8:58 pm
I guess their radio energy communications failed to affect me, because I certainly think extraterrestrial life is possible 😉
04/02/2015 at 9:02 pm
In that case they may be using the “Communication” frequency rather than the “Confusing” frequency. They may have decided you are morally pure and trustworthy and they may be trying to communicate something to you. The process will probably be long and slow but in the end the light of what they want to say to you will possible dawn in the form of some kind of deja vu moment or with an epiphany of some kind. When (If) it happens you will know for sure and there will be no doubt at all.
04/02/2015 at 9:09 pm
One of the first evidences that what I am saying might be true may be a feeling on your part — a feeling you may have always had — that somehow you may have lived a past life or that even though you may have been born here on earth you are somehow “different” from other people or that you have a sense of some kind of mission that you are intended to fulfill — but you just can’t quite put your finger on what it might be. — Another evidence might be some kind of dream — if you remember dreams — of having been someplace that was unfamiliar and you were having a nice conversation with some “people” all dressed in white or something like that — but whatever they were talking about has slipped your mind. — just a few random thoughts.
04/02/2015 at 9:23 pm
Well, I’ve often felt different, but I assume most people do. I certainly hope I have a mission to fulfill–I like having a sense of purpose 🙂
04/03/2015 at 2:00 am
Keep on bloggin’ my friend and may the Force be with you.
04/04/2015 at 8:22 pm
Thank you, and same to you 🙂
04/02/2015 at 9:22 pm
See, I don’t know about those aliens…because anyone who thinks I’m morally pure 😉
That being said–you know what–I’m always open to any lifeform, alien or not, which has anything relevant to communicate. So if they communicate with me, I’m more than happy to communicate back to them.
04/03/2015 at 2:02 am
Everytime we communicate with some of the mindless Right we are communicating with some form of alien. — Everytime we communicate with some of the impotent Left we are doing the same.
04/04/2015 at 8:22 pm
Ain’t that the truth!!!!
04/05/2015 at 12:51 am
Professor Chang further stipulates that “Our hypothesis is that a higher extraterrestrial life form was engaged in creating new life and planting it on various planets. Earth is just one of them. Perhaps, after programming, our creators grow us the same way we grow bacteria in Petri dishes. We can’t know their motives – whether it was a scientific experiment, or a way of preparing new planets for colonization, or is it long time ongoing business of seedling life in the universe.”
More:
http://rense.com/general74/d3af.htm
04/06/2015 at 8:05 pm
Interesting! Well, regardless of whether I was seeded by aliens or created by someone else, I still have to do the hard work of figuring out what my purpose is…therein lies the challenge!
04/06/2015 at 8:13 pm
It comes in a flash of inspiration at exactly the right time– an epiphany, if you prefer.
04/02/2015 at 8:45 pm
There is now a new telescope that has been launched into space looking for planets similar to Earth revolving around their stars — some of these are as far away as 600 light years — and they have now found several such planets which appear to have climates conducive to some kind of life — so maybe listening to those sounds on the radio is some indication somebody “out there” might be trying to communicate with you personally — for some reason.
04/02/2015 at 8:53 pm
Maybe the life on those planets will be more intelligent than our own…one can only hope….
04/02/2015 at 8:59 pm
They have a huge spring of special water they call the equivalent of “Cerulian Blue” and each 8-ounce glass of this water they drink extends their life cycle by 10 years. — They can travel through time warps in space at light speeds. — One of their planets is an almost perfect clone of Earth but is 300,000 miles in diameter and the planet can only support humanoid life forms because of some special interaction with the atmosphere and their very heavy gravitational pull. — The name of the planet is Tharoahs. — I believe some people have been transported there and have memories of their trip that recur in the form of dreams. — There are some strange things going on in this old universe and in the other universes that surround us.