Fall to February — A bunch of guys in ugly uniforms giving each other concussions. Some of them have underinflated balls, which is apparently a problem.
February — A has-been pop star performs crappy music and the TV plays a bunch of dumb commercials. So the usual, but there’s also a game of some sort.
Spring — A bunch of guys strolling around a field, scratching their (not underinflated) balls and spitting out wads of chew. This is also the time of year when soft-spoken public radio hosts reminisce about hearing the crack of the bat when they were little children and bemoan the fact that America’s national pastime is no longer as popular as it used to be.
April — The Portland Trailblazers lose again. “We’ll definitely win next year!”
May — Awwww, look at the cute horsies getting raced to death.
Summer — Portlanders put on colorful scarves and pretend that they care about sports and that they’re European. Hint to Portland: Real soccer hooligans set cars on fire.
Summer, Once Every 4 Years — The world comes together to celebrate peace and harmony through athletic competition. I can tell that we’re totally serious about it because there’s a giant dove puppet involved.
Also Once Every 4 Years — The world falls in love with the most beautiful game, as FIFA is paid massive bribes.
Winter — Figure skating! Finally, I can watch a real sport! Also, the weirdly hypnotic appeal of curling. Hands down, the best part of the year.
Except that it’s back to the guys in the ugly uniforms again.
eurobrat 
06/01/2015 at 12:04 pm
Fall to Feb Everything is EXACTLY what you’d expect from a league that is no longer a sport, but a peddler of testosterone.
There’s a complete disregard for the “pussies” who can’t take regular blows to the head http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/league-of-denial/ (Check the Concussion Watch link) There’s no concern over stopping drugs that make their man-monsters more manly & monstrous. There’s no concern over women beating, dog torturing, or outright murder, as these are just “the natural byproducts of masculinity”. (aka their product)
And in such an atmosphere, deflating balls is the worst crime you can commit. It’s so inexcusable, it actually merits a slap on the wrist.
May You’d run fast too if the choice was between:
winning: retiring to the stud farm to nail young fillies all day long.
losing: a one way trip to Taco Bell.
Summer: once every 4 years Both sporting events used to be exactly what sports are supposed to be. Unfortunately, both of them have been so deeply corrupted for so long, they’re no longer capable being what they pretend to be.
Forget the rampant doping, cheating and cover ups to protect primarily American athletes. (Carl Lewis!) Bribery is standard practice and matches are getting fixed for gambling paydays. For fuck-sake, drug lords and mafia bosses own soccer teams.
http://www.transparencyinsport.org/
Winter Wait, no hockey??? It’s the only sport capable of turning peaceful Canucks like me into violent, blood thirsty, mobs ready to murder. I get a raging hard on anytime anyone mentions the 1970’s Philadelphia Flyers (aka Broad St Bullies)
I like figure skating (especially the “figure” part). It’s an activity of art, amazing physical ability and, unlike modern hockey’s pussies, un-helmeted bravery.
But it’s NOT a real sport. Any event where outcomes are determined by judges, or votes, are not real sports. That’s more like Miss America, or Reality TV, than a sport.
Overall: Money, especially corporate advertising, is responsible for the corruption and ruination of damn near every single sport going. I used to adore a bunch of sports, but I can barely watch any of them anymore.
06/01/2015 at 6:56 pm
I was being tongue-in-cheek, of course, when I described figure skating as a “real sport.” And I actually prefer ice dancing to figure skating proper…even less sport-like. I did think about including hockey, as I figured that was probably one you like to follow, but I really don’t know enough about it to have anything witty to say…so I will leave that to you as the Canadian expert š
Yeah, I agree that big money has ruined a lot of what used to be exciting about sports. Oblivious bookworm that I am, I still used to enjoy watching the World Cup…but now I’m reading articles about the 1,000+ people who have died building the stadiums in Qatar, and I wonder if I can look at any of the matches without my stomach turning.
06/03/2015 at 3:34 pm
Well, with the average temperature during games expected to be 45 degrees Celsius, you won’t be the only person having trouble keeping your stomach contents down!
06/03/2015 at 7:38 pm
Talk about entertainment for the masses…what could be more fun than watching soccer players keeling over under a desert sun.
06/03/2015 at 3:43 pm
As for hockey, I been boycotting the NHL since they failed to hold the 2005 Stanley Cup due to a strike/lockout. But it was worse than that. They made sure the trophy that was created to be given to the winner of an annual Canadian AMATEUR tournament wouldn’t be handed out at all. (There was a movement to hold a makeshift tournament when it became clear the NHL couldn’t/wouldn’t hand out the Cup.)
The ONLY other time the Cup wasn’t handed out was in 1918. That’s because the Spanish Flu was killing people by the millions and assemblies of (50 people?) were declared illegal. Several players were hospitalized and one died. I actually wrote a Stanley Cup Trustee in 2005, lambasting him for his move. I told him I hoped that HE caught the Spanish Influenza, so that he would have an excuse not to hand out the Cup.
Greedy, worthless, corporate cocksuckers!!! For destroying my one, true, love, I should go down there and….okay, okay. Gotta relax.
Time to play a few Broad Street Bully clips for a bitter-sweet dose of nostalgia to try to numb my pain. (That will do until the “special brownies” kick in.)
First, this is how my team took care off “your team” back in the day.
And this is them showing how to keep those uppity Southerners in their place.
That’s how it’s done! (And that clip is only the 2nd half of that brawl. I picked it for clarity of picture.)
Finally, this one, mostly because I just couldn’t say “no” to that groooovy musical accompaniment!
Sorry about that! (and the fact most of those clips probably embedded. I have no idea how to post video links right.)
06/03/2015 at 8:17 pm
No apologies needed. I enjoyed watching these, even as a non-sports fan. Now that’s some real sports excitement.
I particularly like how when the players need a break from the fighting, they just stand there and hug each other for a while…..
06/04/2015 at 11:19 am
Good. Because reminiscing about what hockey was like before it was ass-raped by Corporate-Satanists gets me a little…verklempt…and I get a little carried away…and require vast amounts of booze & “recreationals”.
But since you watched, notice in those clips:
1) How legitimately excited all the fans & the players were…and without today’s inescapable, super-hype, machine that pummels today’s apathetic, self-involved, ADHD-ers into artificial, passing, interest. Fans today just want something to aim their cell phones at and players only care about how it will affect their contract negotiations.
2) The “dirty” play of the most violent team EVER still had a code. Very few players hid behind helmets. Very few cheap shots. Nearly all confrontations were “by invitation”. The 70’s Flyers actually played cleaner than nearly any team today. Most people miss it because the cheap shots today are invisible to the untrained eye. (stick work, elbows)
3) Lack of corporate pollution. No playing surface ads. No corporately named stadiums. Few-to-No luxury boxes. Fewer, shorter, ad breaks. When the NHL let the corporations in, the fans became expendable and everything started going to shit.
3) No spoiled prima-donnas.
Even adjusted for inflation, not one of these guys earned half of what the NHL minimum salary is now. Most of their career earnings totalled less than what bench-warmers get today in a year.
Especially visible in that Atlanta game, the biggest stars of the Flyers played leading roles in that brawl. The big star of the team, Bobby Clarke, (a Type 1 diabetic) took on a “designated tough-guy” a good 40 lbs heavier, took the worst of it, and then got into another fight in that SAME melee!
While nobody was anywhere near the level of the Flyers (& Bruins?), even the “elite players” back then weren’t above hard work, sacrifice and “taking one for the team”. Today, it’s every player for himself, both on & off the ice. A keen observer can spot players in it for the money just from watching them play. That description covered few players back then and almost all of them today.
So, you can see how the changes in sport mirror changes in society. Okay, I’m stopping myself now and getting some “refreshments”.
06/04/2015 at 8:56 pm
Hope the “refreshments” helped.
06/06/2015 at 12:08 pm
A little bit. However, my need for numbing “refreshments” is considerably larger than the entire supply currently available here in Canuckistan.
On the plus side….Yesterday, I went to my optometrist’s for an eye check with my pupils “pre-dilated” He told me I didn’t have any cavities.
06/07/2015 at 11:10 am
Bwah, too funny!