So as I’ve mentioned before, I’m a Hillary supporter. Yes, I was the only person cheering for Hillary during the debate in a bar full of Bernie fans….and it made me feel like a bit of a rebel. But why do I have such a weakness for her? It’s true that she’s far from the ideal progressive candidate. I can completely understand why so many people have problems with her.
Maybe it’s as simple as this–I secretly wish I could be a little more like her. I need to learn from Hillary how to be an ice cold bitch.
Yeah, I know that being a bitch is actually making things more difficult for Hillary–what with her not being “likable enough” and all that. But you know what, Hillary? Don’t change. I’ve been likable for years. It’s an overrated experience. So nice…so friendly…such a good listener. People love that! And then they love to step all over that nice person.
This is my New Year’s resolution: I’m going to use the 2016 election as an excuse to be more like our future Madame President. This is what I hope to sound like next year:
Boss: Are you available to work this weekend?
My Pathetic Reply: Absolutely! And remember that I’ll be available on Christmas as well!
Correct Hillary Response: Let me check my schedule and see if I can pencil you in… Mmmmmmm…nope, doesn’t look like it.
Boyfriend: Yes, I’ve been cheating on you.
My Pathetic Reply: How could you do this to me??
Correct Hillary Response: I don’t give a fuck. I’ve got a female lover anyway.
Online Troll: Women shouldn’t have the right to an abortion.
My Pathetic Reply: I guess I have to be open-minded and respectful of your pro-life beliefs.
Correct Hillary Response: You are one of the enemies of America and I intend to defeat you.
Asshole At Train Stop: Hey, I can see that you’re not married! Why won’t you give me your phone number?
My Pathetic Reply: Please leave me alone. I have a boyfriend. (bald faced lie)
Correct Hillary Response: Hello, General? I need a targeted drone strike.
Frenemy: Look at me…I’m so cute!
My Pathetic Reply: You’re adorbs!
Correct Hillary Response: You *are* adorable…adorable like a little puppy that I’m going to turn into a fur coat.
Panhandler: Spare some change?
My Pathetic Reply: Sorry…sorry, I don’t have any cash with me. (bald faced lie)
Correct Hillary Response: Forget that. I don’t see your name on my donor list. Why haven’t you donated to my Foundation yet?
Turning myself from a friendly doormat into a world class bitch is going to take a lot of work, but with Hillary as my role model, I have confidence that I can do it. If by the end of next year the average voter says they wouldn’t want to have a beer with me, then I’ll know that I have succeeded.
11/29/2015 at 12:08 am
LOL! I think that Hillary started being that from birth. Being a Scorpio probably helped. 🙂
11/29/2015 at 10:38 am
Agreed! My mother is a Scorpio as well, and is an incredibly strong woman also (and my role model in many ways). This may be another reason why I like Hillary. We’ll see if a flighty Gemini like me can learn some Scorpio tricks 😉
11/29/2015 at 1:57 am
Funny good advice, I’ll remember this post when we get closer to New Year’s 🙂
11/29/2015 at 10:34 am
Haha, I already felt sad for someone in a bad situation today, so I’m failing before the New Year even gets here. I guess I’m not capable of scrubbing the compassion out of my heart 🙂
11/29/2015 at 11:11 am
Love this post!! I agree, we should all be a little more like Hillary.
11/29/2015 at 5:33 pm
Yes! Regardless of how anyone feels about Hillary’s political views, one thing’s for sure–women need to be more assertive, and not feel guilty about it!
11/29/2015 at 11:11 am
Can we write your name in come Election Day?
11/29/2015 at 5:32 pm
Haha…I’m not so sure I can handle the responsibility 🙂
11/29/2015 at 11:12 am
And not feel bad about it.
12/06/2015 at 1:05 pm
“Maybe it’s as simple as this–I secretly wish I could be a little more like her. I need to learn from Hillary how to be an ice cold bitch.”
Fuck policy! Fuck experience! THIS ALONE is why Hillary is going to be the next US President. Women wish they could be more like her and see her as their “designated bitcher”.
Yet, enough men can relate to her. She’s not this girly-girl who will turn America into a peace-loving hippie commune that smells of potpourri. Under this tough bitch, The US Empire will carry on unhindered and the Military-Industrial-Spy-Complex will still be reaping in big profits.
Knowing this has made it all the more easier for me to ignore 2016…until 2016…or even later than that. I already know how the story ends & why.
“I’ve been likable for years. It’s an overrated experience. So nice…so friendly…such a good listener. People love that! And then they love to step all over that nice person.
Unfortunately, while it’s always been true, I think it’s now truer than ever because people feel entitled to be as nasty as they can. People don’t step on nice people just to get something anymore. Nowadays, they often do it just for the sheer enjoyment of trampling on nice people.
But why do I have such a weakness for her? It’s true that she’s far from the ideal progressive candidate.”
If I had to guess….probably because of your latent submissive-lesbian tendencies, or what I call The Marcie Complex. This is where a gal spots a Peppermint Patty and submits to her dominance. She always does her bidding for little, or no, reward….and constantly calls her “sir”.
😉
12/06/2015 at 4:54 pm
Hahahaha…”Fuck policy! Fuck experience!” The most wonderfully dramatic start to a comment ever. I also love “The Marcie Complex”…never heard of that one before, but it probably makes sense.
12/07/2015 at 12:54 pm
Oh, it’s for real alright. I strongly suggest you stay as far from prison as possible. No telling what you’ll be “forced” into doing voluntarily.
(PS: check your SPAM bin. I posted a comment with 2-links in “Let’s Hear It One More Time”)