Well, the winter season is here, and it feels like I’m snowed in at a horror movie ski cabin full of lunatics, idiots and psychopaths. The door is blocked. There is no way out.
Listen–it’s Trump’s Freedom Kids, singing their patriotic little hymn again. Over here, USA! Over there, USA!
Hillary is at the party too. She is cackling at everyone’s jokes, wondering why nobody finds her likable.
Bernie and Trump are playing a game of I’ll do you one better. “I’ll make America great again!” “I’ll make America even better than America! I’ll make it Sweden!” “I’m gonna win!” Trump yells. “I’m gonna win!” Bernie mumbles.
“Neither one of you is going to win!” I want to say, but there’s too much clatter just outside the living room door. Out there, religious fanatics are beheading and shooting people, and blowing things up. Great. We’re going to have to bomb the kitchen and the pantry.
In the corner lurks the scariest person of them all, Ted Cruz. “You know why all this is happening? Because we’re weak,” he whispers in that smooth telemarketer tone of voice. “We need to become religious fanatics just like them, otherwise we’ll lose…”
I want to scream, I want to wake up from this nightmare, but I can’t, because this isn’t a dream. I really am stuck, spinning around on a blue marble with these crazies, unable to get off. When is the Mothership coming to pick me up? When are the snows going to melt? Please, let me out of here, preferably before my head explodes.