Those of you who are following my blog (and let’s face it, there aren’t that many of you) may have noticed that the posts have dropped off a bit lately. Fact is, life has been very much on the hectic side. I’ve been planning my wedding for a few months from now…and wedding planning, it has turned out, is craziness. Part of me is excited, part of me will be relieved when it’s all over and done with.
But enough about romance…I’m going to use my entry into marriage as an excuse to talk about politics…because of course I am. Thinking about the married state, husbands and wives, has reminded me of one wife in particular. Specifically–oh, how much I miss having Michelle Obama as a First Lady.
Michelle and Barack are such a great model of what a marriage is supposed to look like. I loved her feistiness. I loved that when she and Barack started dating, she wasn’t that interested in being with him at first. He had to prove to her that he was worth her while. She was a strong and successful woman in her own right. I loved the way they would tease and poke fun at each other in conversations.
And now that he’s no longer President, Michelle has gleefully admitted that he got the “worst room” in their new house.
What a contrast with what we’ve got now. Don’t get me wrong–I don’t think Melania Trump is a mindless bimbo. That’s what makes this situation even sadder. She is also a strong and intelligent woman. But she is not able to or chooses not to show it. Her role in the relationship with Donald is not that of an equal partner. She is a woman who was purchased by a rich husband, and so she is expected to be a beautiful, silent backdrop to what he does. Some of Trump’s fans call it being “classy” and “gracious.” That Michelle was so loud and so opinionated (and so black!) I’ve always found the concept of a graceful woman a bit suspicious. Too often, women are called graceful when they’re quiet, when they behave. When they don’t raise too much of a stink about things they disagree with.
Now, I have seen the photos and videos of Melania refusing to touch Donald or swatting his hand away from hers. They are certainly amusing. But it’s all so…passive aggressive. Again, it’s a woman who can’t allow herself to express her feelings in the open. It’s hard for me to imagine Michelle putting up with Barack cheating on her as brazenly as Donald did with Stormy. The man would be out on his ass, most likely.
Perhaps the best we can hope for is that after Donnie is out of office, Melania will sue for divorce and take him for all the billions he doesn’t really have. The best I can hope for is that my own marriage will not be full of dishonesty and manipulative little games.
It has to be a true partnership, and you have to really really like and respect the person you’re married to because it is a hard road. I mean, that’s what I tell young couples. Don’t expect it to be easy, melding two lives and trying to raise others, and doing it forever. I mean that’s a recipe made for disaster, so there are highs and lows. But if in the end you can look him in the eye and say, “I like you.” I stopped believing in love at first sight. I think you go through that wonderful love stage, but when it gets hard, you need a little bit more. — Michelle Obama
04/29/2018 at 12:59 pm
Great post. A reminder that we needn’t judge a book by its cover, as I know I was guilty of concerning Melania during the 2016 campaign. She apparently is someone who is smart, deliberative, and I pray has a diabolical plan at the ready to which none of us are privy. The pictures of her at the Barbara Bush funeral said it all about her, didn’t they? – Marty
04/29/2018 at 2:54 pm
Agreed. I made the same assumptions about her–oh, she’s just a Barbie doll. Then I started watching her more closely and realized, she’s not a stupid person at all. Don’t know that I’m as optimistic about her having a diabolical plan. She very much chose to put herself in the situation she’s in, so will she risk upending it all? One can hope…
04/29/2018 at 3:08 pm
I’m thinking there’s a pre-nup that was fairly iron clad but not updated when he ran for president. I’m also suspecting she’s not under the precise same restrictions as those who are forced to sign NDA with him. Regardless, yes, one can hope…
04/29/2018 at 3:56 pm
Congratulations! That’s great news, even if it does mean a lot of hassle as far as planning all the logistics. 🙂
I am a big fan of Michelle Obama, as well. She and Barack are always fun to watch when they tease each other.
04/30/2018 at 4:43 pm
Thank you! And yes, I really miss those two. Michelle got some really cruel bashing from the right, but she was such an awesome First Lady.
04/29/2018 at 6:08 pm
I too miss Barack and Michelle. I hope you and your man achieve a great partnership… shake those teases out of your sleeves :0
04/30/2018 at 4:44 pm
Ha, thank you! We’re getting pretty good at that sort of thing 🙂
04/29/2018 at 10:45 pm
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Believe me, brides worry more about things than the guests.
Melania, in my opinion, is an abused spouse. It is evident that Baron is a special needs child, and Melania could make good by advocating for research, treatment, education, etc. for children with special needs. But, Donald doesn’t want the truth known. I suspect each time there is an event that takes her from Baron, that she is preoccupied with what and how he is doing.
Congrats again.
04/30/2018 at 4:46 pm
Wow. That is an interesting perspective on Melania which I hadn’t thought about. Makes me hope even more that she can leave that situation someday.
And thanks for the encouragement…I imagine my wedding guests will have lots of fun and won’t sweat the details nearly as much as I think they will.
04/30/2018 at 8:46 pm
I doubt they sweat the details. The bride and groom are the center of attention. The best to both of you.
04/30/2018 at 4:10 am
Excited for you! I have a feeling your marriage will be more along the lines of Barack and Michelle’s.
04/30/2018 at 4:50 pm
Thank you!! I think so, too, especially since my guy is the polar opposite of Donald. He’s thoughtful and considerate. He’s very supportive of my blogging and my interest in politics, even saying he will support me if I ever run for office. We’re off to a very good start 🙂
04/30/2018 at 4:55 pm
Awesome. Sounds like a keeper.
05/01/2018 at 11:45 am
” I’ve been planning my wedding for a few months from now…and wedding planning, it has turned out, is craziness.”
You just figuring that one out??? Shit, no wonder you didn’t get why Bernie was the better choice to go against Trump in 2016. (Hehe) At that rate, I’m almost surprised you didn’t want to vote for Trump!
Me? I’m a marriage atheist. It’s just not worth the hassle…and divorce lawyers. Because for everybody under 80, that’s how it’s gonna end….That, or murder. Actually, given the percentage of homicides committed by spouses…Don’t think of it as choosing a “life partner”. Think of it as choosing a “death partner”.
But seriously woman, you didn’t already have enough bullshit on your plate? You had to add some more?
05/01/2018 at 6:52 pm
Hahaha…thank you for your well wishes. Yep, I just had to go and do that.
05/02/2018 at 12:46 pm
Any guy who doesn’t have a stupid-phone is “top shelf” in my books. Well, unless he’s a wanted serial murder and the ONLY reason he doesn’t use them is because he doesn’t want to be geo-tracked.
Been there myself.
05/11/2018 at 10:13 am
I think the whole concept of “First Lady” is both sexist and counter to democracy.
1) Sexism: It clearly defines the role of women. It basically says that women can never hold office. (See: the Her somehow losing.) All they can be is the arm candy of a powerful man. If anything, a “good” First Lady only prolongs the limiting “job” that should have been rendered irrelevant decades ago. The only First Lady should be President or PM.
Think of Maggie Thatcher, whom I really disliked (even more in retrospect). When starting out in politics, she was often called “Mrs Denis Thatcher”. But during all her miserable years in power (79-90), Denis was damn near invisible. I don’t really even remember hearing him speak. She did her job. He did his. And while he was often at events, his job sure wasn’t to “humanize” her. (That would be a really tough gig.) But that’s exactly how it should work. You want attention? Run for office like Her did. I respected that.
2) Anti-Democratic: For some reason, we think elected officials have to be married with 2.5 kids, lovable pets, etc. It all smacks of a “Royal Couple”, the exact opposite of democracy. In America, they even keep calling people by their former job title, as if it’s akin to being elevated by God. You know what Canadians call their ex-PMs when they see them? “Oh, it’s that asshole again.” The moment you’re out, you’re a nobody again.
These people are government officials we’ve elected to implement policies, not dolls for us to play “White House” with. Only the person on the ballot matters. Spouse, kids, dogs, favourite burritos…Who the fuck should care? I don’t care what the First Lady is in favour of any more than what the First Ferret is in favour of. I only care what the elected official…the one with the power…is going to do about it.
The Womens…If they want a voice, they should be running for office…not torturing themselves like poor Melania is. She’s done nothing wrong and look at the public humiliation she’s endured. I think the best place for her & all involved is the obscurity of Trump Tower. Or, maybe she should take a page from Maggie Trudeau.
05/14/2018 at 7:11 pm
Agree…I wish women would be respected for being experienced, skillful political candidates (ahahahaha…) But since the American public loves seeing a Camelot-style soap opera…I would at least rather see a strong and personable First Lady like Michelle than a sad, humiliated Barbie doll like Melania.
05/15/2018 at 3:21 pm
Oh, shit! I forgot I’m dealing with Americans. I must explain Maggie Trudeau.
Maggie Trudeau is the only “First Lady” any Canadian remembers. She was pretty damn memorable…and not just because she was…and still is…crazy hot! (emphasis on both words.) Pierre Trudeau (papa of current pretty-boy PM Justin) was a handsome, single, charismatic PM in 1971 (Yes, we elect single people!) when he married Margaret…a political colleague’s daughter, some 29-ish years younger than him. (Note: Teenagers once chased him like he was a Beatle.
She was a 22 year old, pot smoking, flower child who loved to party. She cranked out 3 kids and had some “trouble” adjusting to domestic life…and being married to a combative, intellectual, playboy like Pierre. He liked weed & sex too, but otherwise a total mismatch! They separated in the late 70’s and divorced in 83-84. Met, married & divorced…all while he was PM. (Are you listening Melania???)
Once separated, Maggie went wild. She left Pierre & the kids in Ottawa. She saw the Rolling Stones in Toronto and had sex with Mick Jagger & Ron Wood after the show. She set up shop in NY to become a pro-photographer. She spent most nights at Andy Warhol’s salons and Studio 54, partying till dawn. She stole Ryan O’Neal right out from under his date there. She later climbed over his LA mansion’s walls when told not to come over with his son around. She got it on with Geraldo Rivera on a Central Park row boat. She had sex with tennis star Vitas Gerulaitis, Jack Nicholson, Teddy Kennedy, Prince Charles and possibly even Fidel Castro. To name a few. She also had an affair with Perrier water heir, Bruce Nevins, which helped spawn a classic novelty bottled water brand, “Pierre -Eh?”
Most famous sin of all..the night her husband lost the election in 79…she was on the front page of several newspapers “showing off the First Beaver” at Studio 54. And today’s pop-tarts think they invented going “commando”.
https://therunagatesclub.blogspot.co.id/2016/04/margaret-trudeaus-bum.html
Eventually, she wound up addicted to coke and in a psych ward. She slowly “recovered”…kinda…& wrote a tell-most biography. But since becoming a PM’s mom, her image has certainly been polished up and past transgressions mostly forgotten. But the most heinous transgression of all….according to his auto-biography…. a young Donald Trump. She’s not named, but from the description it can ONLY be her.
So this tangent is relevant after all.
05/17/2018 at 6:08 pm
She sounds like a lot of fun. I wish Melania would develop an unexpected wild streak like that.
05/18/2018 at 2:49 pm
Hey, it was the 70’s, man. …Coke, disco…Sid & Marty Krofft drug induced kid-tv shows…People were just “Lettin’ it all hang out.”… “Disco Biscuits” wasn’t just some bullshit Cosby made up to save his ass. Everybody was baked and/or having sex all the time.
Maggie was over-the-top wild, but Pierre got his more “philosophical” freak on too. He was a “one man Sexual Revolution”. In his professional life, he legalized homosexuality, decriminalized abortion and made divorce much easier (lucky for him.) After hours, he attended the odd “clothing optional” party with the “jet set”. Groovy times, man.
Trudeau was boning classical guitarist Leona Boyd for 8 years. He also had flings with fellow Canucks Margot Kidder & Kim Cattrall…oh, and Barbara Streisand…among many others. Decades later, at age 71, he fathered a child with 36 yr old politico, Deb Coyne Coyne wound up running against his son Justin for leadership of the Liberal Party. That year’s Trudeau family Christmas party must have been pretty darn awkward.
Man, those were the days. The contrast between then & now….I wish I had a time machine…or at least a warehouse full of “medicinal brownies” to help me survive The New Millennium.
05/20/2018 at 3:00 pm
I agree with you about missing the Obamas — they were, and still are, a role model relationship, mature, warm, realistic, classy, educated, everything we all want in a spouse and a leader. I also agree with you that Michelle would never have tolerated cheating on the part of Barack — but this was a functional, all-in couple, who shared the same values and whose commitment to each other was complete. Infidelity simply would not be possible with the Obamas. I also agree that Melania is stifled in both her marriage and her role as First Lady. Her silence is deafening. Good luck with your wedding and in your marriage.
05/20/2018 at 4:06 pm
Thank you! Sometimes I miss them so much it hurts. The contrast is just too painful.