Mom was staring at my plate in shock. It was covered with a messy pile of bacon, cheese and chicken.

“What is *that*?”

I was stunned myself. “It’s…it’s a…salad.”

Ah, the danger and the mystery that is the American roadside restaurant. You never know quite what you’ll get served. Somewhere, underneath all that protein, a few wilted green leaves could be found, or so I suspected.

But I was a wimp compared to my fellow eaters. Other families seated in the Kozy Kitchen dining room placidly awaited their deliveries of greasy eggs and meat, with two and three dishes per person, while here I was, a rank amateur, unable to handle a simple “salad”.

“There’s no way you can finish that.”

“Maybe I can, but I’ll need a stent right after.”

Let’s face it, on our trip through the towns of Southern Oregon, we must’ve acted like the most obnoxious of tourists. “Do you have anything with kale in it?” “Why doesn’t this store have an organic veggie section?” And things got even worse when it came to the alcohol department. “What do you mean you only serve Bud, Coors and Corona? This is a joke…right?” At least I dissuaded Mom from her idea of bringing her own personal lime into restaurants with her, so that she could “fix” the Caesar salad dressing. I figured the natives wouldn’t take too kindly to that.

Leaving my little hipster nest to travel the rest of the state has made me realize just how Portland I’ve really become, and has made me appreciate living here much more.

And my bacon and cheese salad? Well, I managed to eat about half of it, and was sick for the rest of the day. Like I said, I’m a total wimp. My review of the Kozy Kitchen–it’s only for the strong.

And that’s why I’m glad I have a blog.  Because on Facebook, any conversation–literally, any conversation–inevitably turns into a conversation about food.

***

“Country XYZ might go into civil war.”

“That sucks.  Their government is messed up.  I love XYZian food!”

“Me too!”

***

“I had a great workout today.  I feel so healthy.”

“You go, girl!  You know what else studies have shown is good for you?  A diet of lard and bacon.”

“Mmmmmm, bacon.”

“Bacon.”

***

“I feel depressed.  There’s an emptiness in my life.”

“Awwwww, you need chocolate.”

***

*cute picture of goats*

“Goats are tasty!”

***

“What’s the meaning of life?”

“I thought it was bacon…?”

Either we’re a society obsessed with gluttony…or, bacon really is the meaning of life, and I’ve missed out on it all this time.  Not sure which one is the case.