And now, for a pop culture break, presenting some short movie reviews/summaries from my boyfriend:

The Hobbit:  “Lots of running away, with large boulders and little men falling from cliffs.  But at least there were no love scenes.”

Skyfall:  “Same as the Hobbit, except with cars and guns.”

Random Christmas cartoon:  “Same as the Hobbit, except with reindeer and ice blocks and avalanches.  Are avalanches mandatory in every winter movie now?”

Me:  “Are you trying to tell me that movies aren’t very original these days?”

Advertisements

It sounds like we have not been very patriotic this holiday weekend.  I wasn’t either.  I did not participate in a stampede race for a discounted pair of socks.  I did not battle other customers to the death for a flat screen TV I don’t really need.  We spent our time being grateful for the things we already have, not wanting new things.  And we weren’t alone–economists are reporting that shopping was down this Black Friday.  Unfortunately, gratitude does nothing for the success of our country, only consumption does.

I’m sure the ravenous spending gods are displeased with us, but we’ll have a chance to make it up to Them this Christmas.  I know I will be doing penance at malls and gift stores–and I hate shopping with a passion, so it will be genuine penance.  Let’s do a better job this time, patriots.

Really?  Do even the holidays have to turn into a war?  And I don’t mean in a “War On Christmas” sense of the word.

All this week, the airwaves have been filled with advice for the holiday season, and it hasn’t been advice on how to make the season more charitable or more caring.  “How to browbeat your conservative relative at the holiday dinner.”  “How to annoy the liberals in your family.”

Seriously?  I say this as someone who’s got very strong opinions–I don’t get it.  It’s the holidays.  This is the time to enjoy the company of your family and excessive amounts of food.  Are we really not able to lay down our respective ideologies for a few hours in order to do that?  So there are going to be people at your table who have different political and religious views from you–so what?  We can agree to disagree.  Not everything in life has to be part of some great battle, and if you believe it is, then I feel sad for you.  It means you’ve got issues, and your need to inject drama into every situation probably comes from a psychological source that goes way deeper than politics. 

And even if you believe that the holiday dinner is just another skirmish in the eternal war between good and evil–with all the relatives who disagree with you representing “evil”, naturally!–it is still an age-old military tradition to have a Christmas ceasefire.  I, for one, intend to lay down my weapons while at the family feast, and I wish all of us luck with doing the same.

Christmas may be gone, but the War on Christmas never ends.  Or the War on Christianity, by which I mean True Christianity—the Christianity of virtues, and traditional marriages, and pie-baking of various kinds.  I’m starting to realize just what sad shape the soldiers of Christmas are in these days.

Of course, the True Christians are excited at the thought of Obama getting kicked out of the White House in 2012, since as we all know, he’s secretly a Muslim.  But if he does lose, what is coming to replace him?  Mitt Romney—a Mormon. Definitely not a true believer by Tea Party standards.  Then there’s Gingrich.  He might just barely qualify to be a Christian, but as a Papist with multiple divorces under his belt, he’s not exactly a prize.  For some reason, all of the True Christian candidates have bombed in the polls.  Surely it’s not because their ideas suck.

No, let’s not forget that the heathens are being aided in their success by the media.  The journalists, who are atheists or agnostics (and Commies).  The entertainment industry, which is full of old hippies and pagans.  One might wonder why all of these disparate and often contradictory theologies would unite just so they can oppose the evangelical Christian.  There’s probably an intricate conspiracy theory connecting them all, one which I don’t have the time and energy to think of right now. 

Maybe I’ll ask the people who believe in a War on Christmas.

So this is it, 2012.  This is the year when it will all end for us, or we will all get elevated to a higher level of consciousness.  I’ve heard some interpret the Mayan calendar to say that this is when “He will come”.  And of course, the Presidential election will save or end America as we know it.

So here’s to 2012 being the year of something I sorely lack in my own life – the Year of Certainty.  It will once and for all become clear who and what is right in this world.  God’s existence will be proven or disproven, especially if the year includes His arrival.  Scientists will find the God particle and we will understand why the Universe is here.  The election results, whichever way they go, will make America a great country again.  Either the free market or socialism will give everyone prosperity, security, and a job.  I will finally know what I want to do with my life.  

But naturally, none of this will happen.  Instead of coming to a swift, graceful end, our existence will continue to plod on.  There will be nobody returning to us from the clouds, and nobody at our door.  My heart will veer wildly from spirituality to cynicism, depending on how much pain it is in at a given moment.   Those damned quarks and anti-quarks will keep doing their own thing.  And I’ll keep working at an insurance company because I can’t come up with anything better to do.

Still, I wish everyone a happy doubtful and dithering 2012.  To those of you who already have the miracle of Certainty and who know that you are always correct about everything, I envy you.  For the rest of us, may the decorations on our tree be funky, our cups of chocolate mint tea steaming hot, our dogs and cats cuddly on our laps, and our blogs controversial.  Happy Holidays!