The man being interviewed clears his throat thoughtfully, as he ponders the really big dilemmas. Does alien life exist out there in the universe? Will we find it–or will it find us–one day?

I think the entire conversation is silly. We’ve been receiving alien transmissions for a long time. All I have to do to hear them is turn the radio dial.

“Who knows if the theory of evolution is true? And who cares? Why would you even ask anyone about it…it’s such a gotcha question!”

“Kbbhhlth…zgfffx…Women who want equal pay are angry feminazis….”

Somewhere in the darkest reaches of space, a planet is spinning wildly. Its empty canyons echo with the sounds of Joni Ernst’s manic laughter, its silence occasionally interrupted by the sobbing call of the orange-hued Boehner. It’s beaming its signals back to the reality I inhabit. Its messages are enigmatic and difficult to decipher.

“It was a good decision to go into Iraq…bleep bleep blorp…”

What in God’s name are these lifeforms trying to say? Either this is a civilization so advanced that I am unable to follow the twists and turns of its logic, or these aliens have spent such a long time breathing in their own unique atmosphere that it has driven them nuts.

The serious question is, why do I continue to spend my time intercepting their radio communications, trying to make sense of the garbled noise they broadcast? I could listen to NPR, which reports on actual Earth news as opposed to that of an alternate universe. The NPR hosts speak in measured, reasonable tones. The guests are experts in their field. They don’t scream at the people they disagree with, or break down weeping, or rave with excitement about the upcoming end of the world. So why do I change the station?

Could it be that I’m just a little bit crazy myself? Could it be that I have an attachment to my beliefs which is unreasonable, immoderate, irrational? Is it easier for me to identify with these strange creatures which lose their temper when they care too much, than with the humans who calmly explain how they feel?

Whatever the case, I will keep listening for the sounds of the insane planet, listening to it whirling in the darkness, while I sit in front of the radio and whirl around my own confused axis.

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Perhaps those who don’t believe in evolution are right after all…we don’t seem to have evolved very far.

Yesterday, a mannequin wearing an Obama mask was found hanging from a Missouri bridge.  Yep–yet more racially suggestive attacks on this President.  I thought at some point this kind of stuff would end, but I guess it doesn’t.  (Thanks to Xena’s blog for tipping me off about this lovely incident.)

So it is clear that dinosaurs still walk among us, shuffling and stomping and grunting.  I don’t know if those are the same dinosaurs Jesus liked to take rides on back in His day, but they are certainly backwards enough.  If people who think like this can continue to exist on this planet, then the idea of Earth being only a few thousand years old suddenly doesn’t sound so crazy anymore.  Creationists, I have to give it to you–I may have been wrong all along.

It’s fine if you passionately disagree with this President’s policies.  I don’t agree with some of his policies, either.  But if I have to explain to you why something like this is in bad taste, then you just don’t get it…and you might be a species that’s going extinct.