I’m not sure I can handle it.

The trashy pink lights. The corny classic rock soundtrack. And oh, those horrible performers.

There’s Hillary, sitting on a potential donor’s lap. “See? I can be warm and friendly,” she murmurs.

Meanwhile, Jeb Bush and Scott Walker are working the pole, gyrating their hips as hard as they can, while the Koch brothers make it rain cash on the stage. Maybe they’ll get more money if they make out with each other?

Poor Chris Christie is sitting at a table alone, all forlorn in his bra and garter belt. Nobody cares about him anymore.

And off in a dark corner of the club, Rand Paul is doing his own weird dance. Only a few are turned on by him–those who are into the kinky masochistic fantasy of living in a pure libertarian state.

Watching this spectacle doesn’t exactly cause feelings of arousal. It’s more of a mixture of disgust, despair, and a complete loss of self-respect. But this is the best we can do, or so we’re told.

Yeah, the 2016 election season…it’s going to be the worst striptease ever.

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If so, then that makes me very happy.

Oregonians are an independent bunch and we don’t take too kindly to out of state big money trying to come in and influence our elections. It appears the Koch brothers found our local Senate race between incumbent Jeff Merkley and Republican challenger Monica Wehby to be of interest to them. Over a million dollars has been spent on anti-Merkley ads by one of those shady PACs with a patriotic euphemism for a name–this one called Freedom Partners. No surprise here–it turns out the board of directors for Freedom Partners includes high-ranking executives with Koch Industries. The ads slammed Merkley for his support of Obamacare and the fact that he voted to raise the debt ceiling.

Well, the latest news is that Freedom Partners will probably be giving up their funding of the anti-Merkley campaign in October. Most likely because it hasn’t worked, the race isn’t any closer, and people in Oregon will continue to vote Democratic.

Good. This is a deep blue state, Kochs. Get the hell away from it and don’t let the door hit you on the ass too hard on your way out. If the Koch brothers consider Oregon a hopeless case, then that gives me another reason to be proud of my home.