I suppose this is what it must feel like to be on the wrong side in one of those good vs. evil fantasy movies.  I’m still here, one of the minions laboring in the Dark Castle, hoping that Commander Clinton pulls off a victory, but the audience in the theater can already tell where this one is going.

Yeah, it’s likely that Hillary will end up the Democratic nominee.  But it’s clear she is not the true winner of this election.  Hillary’s the Queen clinging to her crown, while outside her window Bernie prances about, surrounded by happy woodland creatures and chirpy little songbirds, sprinkling his fairy dust on everyone.

At this point, I’ve moved past the furious stepmother phase of my reaction to this election cycle…or at least I hope I have…and, while not enthusiastic for him, I’m glad for how excited the people in my life are about Bernie.  Not being excited about Bernie when you live in Portland is a little bit like being the only sober person at one of those parties where all your other friends are high on something, but that’s okay.  It might not be fun at first, but then you let go and roll with it, and learn to accept the meandering philosophical discussions and the random crying bouts.

As for me, I’ll keep skulking in the shadows, rooting against all odds for Queen Hillary to become President…and maybe even more than that…

“What are we doing tonight, Your Highness?”

“What we do every night…try to take over the world!”

 

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Well, it’s that time–a new Star Wars movie is coming. I can tell because my Facebook feed is cluttered with trailers, previews, lightsabers and heated debates about stormtroopers. I know all my friends are excited, but I have to say that the whole thing leaves me cold and indifferent, probably because I’m no fun.

Here are a few hypothetical scenarios in an alternative galaxy far, far away which might actually make me care about the new lightsaber:

*If it cracks open a bottle of booze for me,

*If it’s mentioned anywhere in the Senate report about “enhanced interrogations,”

*If Elizabeth Warren gets to use it on our banking system,

*If “The Lightsaber” is the name of a real adult toy, batteries included,

*and definitely if it causes some of those obnoxious holiday shoppers to poke an eye out with it…bah, humbug.

In the meantime, I guess I’ll have to avoid Facebook for the next couple of…hmmmm…how many more of those movies are there going to be? Oh, Jesus.

As if I didn’t already know that I should.

You know those Zimbio quizzes which are all the rage on social media right now, where you find out which character you are in your favorite movie or TV show…well, in the past couple of weeks, it has turned out that I am:

The Emperor in Star Wars:  “Manipulative and cunning…you’ve devoted your talents to the dark side.”

Book in Firefly:  “You’re a calming presence in a tumultous world.  You preach peace….always believing in the goodness of people.”

And, naturally, Fozzie Bear:  “You’ve bravely faced the worst life has to offer and come out laughing.”

Either these quizzes are just an entertaining waste of time…or, if not, my multiple personalities problem is far worse than I suspected.

And now, for a pop culture break, presenting some short movie reviews/summaries from my boyfriend:

The Hobbit:  “Lots of running away, with large boulders and little men falling from cliffs.  But at least there were no love scenes.”

Skyfall:  “Same as the Hobbit, except with cars and guns.”

Random Christmas cartoon:  “Same as the Hobbit, except with reindeer and ice blocks and avalanches.  Are avalanches mandatory in every winter movie now?”

Me:  “Are you trying to tell me that movies aren’t very original these days?”

Once in a while I overhear something on Glenn Beck’s show that leaves me slightly befuddled.  A few weeks ago, Glenn was enthusing over the Avengers and how much he loved the movie.  How Captain America kicked ass, how this was an example of America’s greatness.  And then he said that when he left the movie theater, he thought “Take that, Europe!”

Ummm…so, I hope Glenn realizes that the Avengers is a fictional story?  Yeah, Europe is having a lot of problems right now…but I kind of doubt that Captain America is at the top of their list of issues, unless he is involved in the Greek debt crisis in some way that I’m not aware of.  Economic growth, a stronger military—these are all ways that we can show the world what we’re made of, so to speak.  Imaginary superheroes?  Not so much.  Unless he’s applauding our ability to make superior movie entertainment, in which case, great—but I doubt an entertaining movie will convince the Europeans that we have a better system than they do.

Anyway, just another instance of Glenn unhinging himself from reality just a bit.  Maybe that’s why I like listening to his show, because I can relate to having a delusional side.  Cheers from one lunatic to another….