2016 was a very special year and it deserves a very special sendoff.  Here is my recipe for Dec 31st:

For the ritual soundtrack, I’m going to turn on some nostalgic Prince.  Your tastes may vary–you are welcome to instead try some Leonard Cohen, Bowie, Sharon Jones, or any of the many talented musicians who left the planet this year.

Sadly, I don’t have a cauldron, so instead I’m going to find a large pot and put it on the stove.  Bring water to a boil in the pot and then toss in the following ingredients:

–the hair of a Trump voter

–eye of Pepe the frog

–my now useless I’m With Her sticker

–my now useless Bill of Rights

–a photo of Justin Bieber…who is still alive

–a few chopped up pieces of the root of division and prejudice

Be sure to stir the pot, and then dance around it, muttering dark incantations and chanting:  “Things will only get worse!  Things will only get worse!”

Repeat as many times as needed.  Keep the pot for next year–I’m sure we’ll be doing the same thing in 2017….

I really do hope everyone is having a great holiday season, actually.  But as we get ready for 2016, another terror warning has gone out, with ISIS expected to strike again somewhere in Europe before New Year’s Eve.

We are being advised–by security experts, naturally–that it will not be safe to join any large gatherings.  But really, who knows?  It might not be safe to join any small gatherings, either.  In fact, it might be safest not to go out at all.

So don’t mind me.  I’ll be celebrating New Year’s Eve in the blanket fort in my bedroom.  I’ll barricade myself in and will play Donald Trump speeches on a loop, the ones in which he assures us that when he becomes President, he will ban anyone who looks different and scary.  That should solve the problem.  What’s that…what if I end up being too different and have to go?  Who said I was thinking that far ahead?

Or…that’s what I would be doing if I wanted to live in fear.  But I can’t give up celebrating my favorite holiday, even if the world is about to end.  In case Daesh cares, my friends and I are going to be at some Portland bar tomorrow night, doing decadent, impure things.  As one does on New Year’s Eve.  Have an amazing 2016, everyone!

I’ve been scouring the news, searching for good 2012 predictions, and one word comes to mind:  boooring.  It seems the political and economic crisis we’ve been suffering under has broken our spirits.

Here are some general predictions I’ve found for the upcoming year:  Celebrities and politicians are going to be more cautious about their tweets, since they’ve put their foot in their mouth so many times last year (think Charlie Sheen etc).  Consumers will continue to be cautious about their shopping and will increase the amount of shopping they do locally.  In fact, the stock market has ended the year at exactly the same place where it started in 2011, so in spite of all of the turbulence and ups and downs, we’re essentially stuck in the same spot.  After disappointment in Obama’s pie in the sky promises, voters are likely to go with a more practical candidate, like a Romney.  Nations like Iran and North Korea will continue to threaten us, but their threats will end with posturing and be more bark than bite (actually, I hope that one is true).

The wonderful thing about a New Year is that everything is still possible.  Since this may be our very last year, let’s make this the best party ever.  Let’s throw caution to the four winds and bring some reckless excitement back into our lives.  In fact, let’s be crazy dreamers and give President Obama a second chance.

I am very fortunate to have friends in my life who love to party, who love wine and beer and cheese and belly dancing.  It will not take much prompting to convince them to make 2012 a supremely decadent year.  So there’s my New Year’s resolution.  I am going to start working on it tonight and I hope all of you do too…good luck!