According to the weather forecasts, the polar vortex will be coming back this week.  Chris Christie must be breathing a sigh of relief, as his hijinks might get swept from the headlines by more sensationalized reporting of Unprecedented Ice And Snow!  …also known as winter weather in the Midwest.

In fact, who knows, maybe Christie engineered it all, like he did the traffic snarl in Fort Lee?  I can see the internal e-mails now:

“They’re on to me.  Time for some climate problems in the East.”

And voila, a conspiracy theory is born.  These are easier to create than I thought they were.  I’m ready for my gig as the substitute host on Coast To Coast AM!

Well, the thing I’ve been hearing Rush Limbaugh bitch about the most this week has been the polar vortex.  The polar vortex doesn’t exist, the polar vortex has been made up by the Left to support their global warming propaganda.  The polar vortex isn’t just chilly, it’s downright anti-American.

Rush has been getting older and grumpier.  But why the particular focus on winter weather?  Then I realized it–the polar vortex is competition for Rush.  The vortex is a huge and spinning mass of nothingness, cold and icy, void of any warmth or compassion.  It will freeze any hapless victim which stumbles its way, especially if that unfortunate person is poor or homeless.  And it’s getting lots of negative coverage in the “lamestream” media.  The vortex could become a host of its own radio show, and it would probably attract more conservative and libertarian fans than Rush, because it has even less humanity than he does.  At least Rush likes his cat.

So now I know why Rush fears and distrusts the polar vortex so much.  It’s okay, Rush.  I’m sure the vortex has some good tips for you about how to really frost everybody’s nuts.