Miley, Here’s How To Shock The Dutch

Since I used to live in Holland, I have to say something about Miley Cyrus lighting up a joint on stage in Amsterdam.  Yeah, I realize this was meant to shock the Americans more than the Dutch, but it was still such a cliched move.  So here are some genuinely shocking things Miley could do in Holland:

*Do a pro-life protest–unlike pot smoking, that’s something people in Amsterdam aren’t used to seeing.  I have no idea if MIley is pro-life, but hey, who cares?  These days, it’s all about controversy for the sake of controversy, right?

*Attend a church service–now that’d be shocking, and it’d probably make for record high attendance at the church.

*Cover up a little–hell, that’d surprise everybody.  Dunno if today’s pop starlets got the memo yet, but the almost-naked look no longer qualifies as “pushing the envelope”.

*Have multiple children–I’m torn about this one.  Europe could use more kids, but do we really want Miley to procreate right now?

*State her disbelief in global warming/evolution/science in general–although coming from an American, this wouldn’t exactly be shocking.  Sadly.

*Organize a street cleaning party.  Holland apparently has a major problem with street litter, or so my Dutch friend tells me.  Maybe she’d get a medal?

*Perform a good song.

I know, I know, that last one is a gratuitous cheap shot, but I couldn’t help myself.  Go ahead, Miley, do something that’ll really shock them (and us)!

 

Torch Singers vs. Pop Goddesses

Okay, I have to admit it, I was underwhelmed by Madonna’s halftime show performance (I ignored the whole football game part of the event).  Yes, I’m going to critique the Goddess of Pop, and I’m sure I’ll get struck down by lightning for it.  I’m all for living your life to the fullest at any age, but Madonna seemed slightly pathetic trying to pretend that she is still twenty.  She was having trouble with her dance moves and high kicks, looked very stiff, and a little ludicrous when trying to be provocative.

To me this underscores the problem with today’s music world.  In the old days of music, a singer Madonna’s age would probably not have come out hopping around in a short skirt and trying to do synchronized dance routines.  She would have made an entrance in an elegant dress and then knocked everyone in the audience out with…amazing singing.  I know, what a concept.  But Madonna’s voice has never been that great.  To her credit, even fewer of the singers of today’s generation seem to be able to sing at all.  (And yes, I realize I sound like a grumpy old woman writing this.  Oh well.)  I know Beyonce and Adele have genuine talent and will still be performing years from now, but what will Britney Spears and Nicki Minaj do when they’re older?  That’s the problem with relying on a superficial shell of sexiness to market yourself—once that is gone, there might be nothing left.

Then again, maybe it doesn’t matter.  The Super Bowl apparently hit one of the highest activity levels ever for tweeting about a live event, including during Madonna’s performance.  So the audience doesn’t really pay attention.  They’re too busy multitasking and commenting about what they’re watching. 

Also, I have to give Madonna kudos for her “World Peace” message at the end of the performance.  Since that’s something we all want and stuff.  If it stops the war with Iran from happening, I’ll reverse my entire negative review.

I still wish Cee-Lo would have done the halftime show, though.