Holy Ronald the Great, patron saint of laissez faire capitalism, help us preserve our conservative faith.  Help us remember what we believe in.

Save us from unrestrained government spending and the temptation to raise taxes.  Sure, you ran deficits and raised taxes, but you did it to defend us from the anti-American enemy.  And anything done to defend us from the anti-American enemy is sacred in our eyes, amen.

May your spirit inspire us to appear patriotic.  For we know that we will fall short of the glory of real patriotism in our deeds, but the virtue of appearing patriotic will redeem us.  Yea, our Democratic opponents will be accused of weakness when they walk the road of diplomacy, but we will be able to trade arms for hostages and still call ourselves true patriots for all eternity.

Rescue us from division and splintering, from multiple factions and an abundance of primary candidates.  Grant us unity, and do not permit us to have any doubts about our platform, nor to listen to deceitful suggestions that we should change it.  With your aid, we will live our lives in your image–with a cheerful indifference to the facts, joking about the things which we do not understand, knowing we will be right no matter what.

Above all else, we are gathered here in your name to worship and praise that most holy of holies, the Almighty Dollar.  May it ever increase and multiply.  Even as we are broke and struggling and crushed by the heel of great corporations, we remain steadfast in our belief that one day, you will bestow upon us the blessings of wealth, just as you have upon your other servants who tell us to vote Republican.  So we say, let the wealthy remain wealthy, today and tomorrow, now and forever, wealth without end.  Amen.

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There has been much doubt and questioning of President Obama’s religious faith, even though he has professed many times to be a believing Christian.  According to some critics, he doesn’t go to church often enough, doesn’t flaunt his religion enough, and has made the serious mistake of not using the phrase “born again”.

As far as his Christianity goes, I will have to take the President’s word for it.  But I have to say that I’m okay with having a man in the White House who is uncertain about his beliefs once in a while.  And as someone who also worships the Divine, I’m grateful to God for saving us from those who are too confident about their faith.  I fear the people who think they have a personal phone line to God, those who are so sure that God shares their opinions, they believe that anyone who disagrees is lost and has to be forcibly rescued.

So thanks be to God for protecting us from those who are too sure of themselves.  Those who are so sure of what a woman’s place in this world should be, they are willing to tell women to surrender to their nature.  Those who are so sure they know that life begins at conception, they would put their signature on a bill which would outlaw even certain forms of contraception.  Those who are so sure that love can only exist in one form, they would forbid any other kind of it.  Those who know that this world was meant to be a special gift from God just for them, so that they are free to bomb people in other countries, kill off animals and use up its resources as they wish.  And of course, those who are sure that the poor and sick and weak are guilty of some sin which caused them to be in that situation–not being confident enough, perhaps?–so they have permission from God to be completely merciless to them.

President Obama is by no means perfect, and I’m not always happy with his policies.  My own liberal views turn out to be flawed and incorrect sometimes.  And that is why I would rather have someone in office who is imperfect and realizes it, than a perfect believer who doesn’t realize the size of the beam he’s got in his own eye.

So this is a good sign for the Obama campaign–conservatives are nervous enough that they’ve started talking to God.  A Utah woman named Mona Williams is calling for a day of fasting for Romney this Sunday.  She states that she is “frustrated” with the direction the country is heading in and asks that people fast and pray for Mitt to be “blessed in the debates”.  She’s not the only one.  I was watching Glenn Beck’s show a few days ago on his new channel, and he was exhorting his followers to fall on their knees and cry out to God about the election.

First of all, what does it say about Mitt’s skill and charisma that he needs divine intervention for the debates?  Overall, though, this is encouraging to hear.  Conservatives are starting to acknowledge that Obama could very well win re-election.  I’m no longer hearing them claim that the President is unpopular with the general public.  Now their theory seems to be that people have been deceived, and they’re praying that a miracle will turn this around.

Naturally, they’re making a huge assumption–that God is on their side.  Beyond the most basic questions–Does God exist?  Is He an automatic supporter of the Mormon Church, or any other church?–even the views within the LDS Church are divided.  Some Mormons are big believers in helping the poor and did not appreciate Mitt’s “47%” comments.  In fact, if Mitt gets elected President, he will join a ward in Washington DC in which most members are Obama supporters.

So if divine intervention does get involved, who knows which way it will go?  Personally, I believe we are the ones who are responsible for who gets elected, but if I decided to meditate to the Goddess, I know it would be for a completely different election result than Mona Williams.