Well, it’s that time–a new Star Wars movie is coming. I can tell because my Facebook feed is cluttered with trailers, previews, lightsabers and heated debates about stormtroopers. I know all my friends are excited, but I have to say that the whole thing leaves me cold and indifferent, probably because I’m no fun.

Here are a few hypothetical scenarios in an alternative galaxy far, far away which might actually make me care about the new lightsaber:

*If it cracks open a bottle of booze for me,

*If it’s mentioned anywhere in the Senate report about “enhanced interrogations,”

*If Elizabeth Warren gets to use it on our banking system,

*If “The Lightsaber” is the name of a real adult toy, batteries included,

*and definitely if it causes some of those obnoxious holiday shoppers to poke an eye out with it…bah, humbug.

In the meantime, I guess I’ll have to avoid Facebook for the next couple of…hmmmm…how many more of those movies are there going to be? Oh, Jesus.

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As if I didn’t already know that I should.

You know those Zimbio quizzes which are all the rage on social media right now, where you find out which character you are in your favorite movie or TV show…well, in the past couple of weeks, it has turned out that I am:

The Emperor in Star Wars:  “Manipulative and cunning…you’ve devoted your talents to the dark side.”

Book in Firefly:  “You’re a calming presence in a tumultous world.  You preach peace….always believing in the goodness of people.”

And, naturally, Fozzie Bear:  “You’ve bravely faced the worst life has to offer and come out laughing.”

Either these quizzes are just an entertaining waste of time…or, if not, my multiple personalities problem is far worse than I suspected.