Fall to February — A bunch of guys in ugly uniforms giving each other concussions. Some of them have underinflated balls, which is apparently a problem.

February — A has-been pop star performs crappy music and the TV plays a bunch of dumb commercials. So the usual, but there’s also a game of some sort.

Spring — A bunch of guys strolling around a field, scratching their (not underinflated) balls and spitting out wads of chew. This is also the time of year when soft-spoken public radio hosts reminisce about hearing the crack of the bat when they were little children and bemoan the fact that America’s national pastime is no longer as popular as it used to be.

April — The Portland Trailblazers lose again. “We’ll definitely win next year!”

May — Awwww, look at the cute horsies getting raced to death.

Summer — Portlanders put on colorful scarves and pretend that they care about sports and that they’re European. Hint to Portland: Real soccer hooligans set cars on fire.

Summer, Once Every 4 Years — The world comes together to celebrate peace and harmony through athletic competition. I can tell that we’re totally serious about it because there’s a giant dove puppet involved.

Also Once Every 4 Years — The world falls in love with the most beautiful game, as FIFA is paid massive bribes.

Winter — Figure skating! Finally, I can watch a real sport! Also, the weirdly hypnotic appeal of curling. Hands down, the best part of the year.

Except that it’s back to the guys in the ugly uniforms again.

Well, it’s almost time for the Super Bowl.

No, I don’t mean the actual Super Bowl. The only time I’ve watched that was when Prince played the halftime show. Prince totally won that game.

I mean *my* Super Bowl–the election season. It sounds like Hillary is about to break the shocking news that she’s running for President any day now, and Romney has already indicated that he is going to serve his reheated Mittsie stew to a conservative base which wasn’t that crazy about it the first time around.

Politics is my hobby and my spectator sport. Yeah, I realize that the question of which party wins the 2016 election will likely not make a huge, earth-shaking difference in my life. The country is too divided for any drastic changes to happen, and both the Democratic and the Republican candidates are too beholden to their wealthy donors, so…. But I won’t lie–I like rooting for a team. I don’t care about muscles and the ability to throw a ball around, so teams of jocks fail to interest me. I’d much rather root for the nerd who does the most eloquent job of explaining economic policy. My games take place on C-Span.

So I’m getting ready. I’m checking out the horses which might be running in the race. I’m doing finger stretches for the hardcore blogging to come in the next couple of years. I’m preparing my finest witty jabs for my online conservative friends. Yep, this is our time, my fellow political junkies.

Oh, and since I’m in the Northwest…go Seahawks. I guess.

Okay, I have to admit it, I was underwhelmed by Madonna’s halftime show performance (I ignored the whole football game part of the event).  Yes, I’m going to critique the Goddess of Pop, and I’m sure I’ll get struck down by lightning for it.  I’m all for living your life to the fullest at any age, but Madonna seemed slightly pathetic trying to pretend that she is still twenty.  She was having trouble with her dance moves and high kicks, looked very stiff, and a little ludicrous when trying to be provocative.

To me this underscores the problem with today’s music world.  In the old days of music, a singer Madonna’s age would probably not have come out hopping around in a short skirt and trying to do synchronized dance routines.  She would have made an entrance in an elegant dress and then knocked everyone in the audience out with…amazing singing.  I know, what a concept.  But Madonna’s voice has never been that great.  To her credit, even fewer of the singers of today’s generation seem to be able to sing at all.  (And yes, I realize I sound like a grumpy old woman writing this.  Oh well.)  I know Beyonce and Adele have genuine talent and will still be performing years from now, but what will Britney Spears and Nicki Minaj do when they’re older?  That’s the problem with relying on a superficial shell of sexiness to market yourself—once that is gone, there might be nothing left.

Then again, maybe it doesn’t matter.  The Super Bowl apparently hit one of the highest activity levels ever for tweeting about a live event, including during Madonna’s performance.  So the audience doesn’t really pay attention.  They’re too busy multitasking and commenting about what they’re watching. 

Also, I have to give Madonna kudos for her “World Peace” message at the end of the performance.  Since that’s something we all want and stuff.  If it stops the war with Iran from happening, I’ll reverse my entire negative review.

I still wish Cee-Lo would have done the halftime show, though.