“My Secret Service men are unattractive. Why can’t I have cute Secret Service men?”
“Please, Melania. I got enough problems.”
King Donald sighed.
“It’s so cold today, Donald.”
He hated them. He hated them bigly. Not only had the Democrats gained control of Congress, but the very first bill they passed was the cruelest blow of all. It required that he had to spend at least 80% of his time every year right here in D.C., and so did the rest of the Royal Family. No more Trump Tower. No more Mar-a-Lago. Just the dinky old White House.
There were some misgivings about how much that would limit King Donald’s overseas diplomatic travel, but then everyone remembered that he embarrassed the country that much more when he went on foreign trips.
His first impulse was to shout “Off with their heads!”, but despite his stunning re-election victory, he didn’t quite have the power to do that yet.
“I really don’t like living here. The decor is so drab. It’s so…there’s not enough gold.”
Queen Melania was right. But did those lowly Congress-sheeple appreciate all the work he had done in Florida? His Palace was going to be the best and the biggest. Like one of those old French ones, or maybe ancient Roman. Didn’t matter to them–they kept whining about how staying at the White House was a “national tradition.” They gave dramatic speeches and quoted that “of the people” bit about the government. He was totally acting like a ruler of the people! He could help Americans even better from a Palace! Why didn’t they understand that?
“It’s time.” The Queen took his hand stiffly. “Let’s do this right now. I want it over with.”
Yeah, there was that–one more little stab at his self-respect. It was a small amendment inserted into the bill. It stipulated that he must meet with at least one citizen who had voted for him every day–chosen by random lottery, to ensure he didn’t simply select his wealthiest supporters.
They took the elevator down to the tiny room they had set aside for audiences with their subjects. The couple was already there, waiting for them.
The woman was very excited. She had poofy hair and was wearing an ill-fitting business suit. She grabbed Melania’s arm. “You’re so beautiful! I love you so much!” The Queen wrinkled her nose in distaste.
The man was wearing a baseball hat and a shirt with an eagle on it, and King Donald could swear he was staring at him with suspicion. He nodded at the King. “Nice to meet ya,” he drawled. “Lookin’ forward to you finally buildin’ that wall someday.”
That’s when the break came. The small, wary eyes of that man–one of his constituents–caused the King to make one of his infamous impulsive decisions. He couldn’t deal with these people anymore. He didn’t care how anybody would feel about it. He didn’t care about the Constitutional amendment he himself had pushed through, removing the term limits on his presidency.
This was urgent. He would tweet about this first thing tomorrow. No, today.
He was never running for God Emperor again.