The important thing to remember is that there is a rational answer to every question.
“Teacher, they’ve been draining my blood for a long time now. I’m starting to feel weak. When will it stop?”
“So you want the people who pump your blood to lose their jobs? And the people who transport it, and sell it? What do you think that will do to the local economy?”
“But I will probably die if this goes on.”
“Well, the free market gods don’t owe you your life. How selfish can you be?”
“Teacher, our food is trash. Can we request better quality food?”
“You do realize that will make it more expensive, right? Is that you what you want, for everyone to have to pay more?”
“I guess not.”
“Exactly.” *dangles smart phone in front of student* “Now look at the shiny toy and relax…relax…”
“Teacher, I’m ill. Do I have the right to medical care?”
“Oh, sure–medical care! What will you ask for next? Free Internet? A limo and a mansion? Why do you want to get something for nothing?”
“But I work for you.”
“So? I don’t have to give you enough to live on in return.”
“I don’t think I like this arrangement.”
“If you don’t like it, move on. Find someone else.”
“All the other free market gurus are assholes too. I don’t think they’d treat me any better.”
“That’s not my problem.”
“Teacher, I’ve lost my retirement money in the stock market.”
“Well, that’s your own fault. You chose to invest it.”
“So you’re saying I should keep my money out of the stock market?”
“Of course not! You can’t do that. If you don’t invest, you’ll never have enough for retirement.”
“Huh, I’m confused. Now what?”
“It’s up to you! Isn’t it great to have all this freedom?”
“Teacher, I’m working harder and harder, and barely surviving. I’m not able to afford health care, or an education, or a retirement. I’m paying a fortune for wars around the world. I need your help…what am I supposed to do?”
“You’re supposed to show gratitude for how great your life is! Say thank you.”
“Thank you, Master.”
eurobrat 
03/30/2015 at 6:18 am
Well done!
03/30/2015 at 6:52 pm
Thank you! I think I finally OD’d on all the libertarian talk out there!
03/31/2015 at 5:20 am
Oh, they just infuriate me.
03/31/2015 at 9:59 pm
It drives me nuts that people don’t see through their crap. When you scratch the surface of all the talk about liberty, you realize that in their world the “little people” wouldn’t have much freedom at all.
04/01/2015 at 4:17 am
One of my best friends from high school married a wealthy tea party elitist. He’s one of the top dogs in the Texas tea party. I finally had to just sever all ties with my friend–she’d become so Libertarian.
04/01/2015 at 6:53 pm
Ugh, sorry to hear. I have mostly been able to maintain ties with my conservative friends so far, but it’s not always easy.
04/03/2015 at 2:41 pm
(Apologies if I’ve told this one before)
I once sat and listened to a couple of Libertarians explain why all roads should be privatized. These weren’t folks who were just in the bag for corporations and only wanted to hand roads over to them so they could make billions. These guys really believed in traditional Free Markets; small-medium businesses and individual consumers.
They were talking about giving every piece of road to the owners of the properties that abut them. For example, Dave owns the 20 metres in front of his house, Bertha owns the 18 metres in front of her house and Milt’s Variety owns the road in front of it. Owners would pay for upkeep by charging whatever toll they wanted to.
This “was absolutely going to work”. Roads quality would be good and toll charges would remain low, all thanks to the power of The Free Market. That’s because “road consumers” would punish owners that didn’t upkeep their road, or who charged too high a toll, by making a “rational purchasing decision”. They would take another route to get to their destination. This would result in lost profit and diminished property values for road owners who didn’t provide a product of sufficient quality and decent price. They would not allow that to happen and would quickly “adapt to market demands”.
I am NOT shitting you! These fucktards honestly believed this nonsense. They honestly believed everyone would put out the effort required to upkeep the stretch of road in front of their house and keep their toll charges competitive. They also believed people would pick routes according to price and quality.
I asked myself “Have these people ever MET people???” I didn’t bother explaining that every single road would be a completely inconsistent hodgepodge of both quality and price. Nor did I mention the complete driving chaos and the time & effort required to make these “market choices” for each and every trip.
I just pointed to an existing private roadway next to a major downtown intersection. This long alleyway ran along the backs of properties owned by one of Canada’s largest banks, Canada’s largest grocery store chain, a doctor’s office, a dentist’s office and a bunch of old mansions. Despite all the cash available to the owners, there are always potholes big enough to swallow a Smart Car.
04/04/2015 at 8:21 pm
You have not told that one before, and thank you for telling it. This is the kind of happy horseshit that drives me insane. If there’s only one road I can take from point A to point B, how exactly am I going to make that “consumer decision” to avoid it if a section of it is intraversible? Oh, so you’re telling me that we’ll have a country full of people trekking around the potholes on the shoulder of the road. Yeah, sounds like a first class kind of place to me.
I’m forever amazed that libertarians imagine that society will work better without…you know… an organized and planned society.
04/06/2015 at 12:30 pm
To clarify, these guys wanted every single highway, road, street, avenue, court, crescent & alleyway to be put into this batshit crazy plan. Sidewalks too, if I recall.
And they proposed this in the early 90s! What’s truly worrisome is that newer technology has actually made this insanity more plausible, assuming you’re connected to the Interpipes 24/7 via your stupid phone. And (other than me) who isn’t? It’s not like anyone has a “life” or anything anymore.
Just think, the constant re-adjusting of routes & pricing will provide losers a great excuse to be on their device for another couple hours a day.
04/06/2015 at 8:02 pm
Oh, I fully realize that the libertarians want everything down to a single blade of grass privatized. If even one road in town remains public and paid for with taxes, that’s COMMUNISM. And it’s true that the Internet has made it easier for insane ideas to spread….
Apparently the one upside of our stupid phones is that more people want to take public transit so they can use them…I’ve heard some “Hey, it’s legal to text and ride!” ads recently. Who knew that complete mindlessness might save our trains…..
04/10/2015 at 2:38 pm
Jesus Christ! Somebody shoot me in the fucking head right now.
The hopelessness of being a non-imbecile in this society is really getting to me. It’s like been trapped alone in an episode of The Walking Dead, only the zombies aren’t remotely interested in anything remotely brainy.
04/12/2015 at 8:57 am
Well, if it makes you feel any better, you’re not alone in feeling this way and you’re not totally crazy (yet).