Dedicated to my Bernie-loving friends
First, they would come for the guns. That was obvious.
He had always expected that to happen. He was surprised that it hadn’t happened during the Obama years–the international left-wing cabal must’ve been even craftier than he suspected. The Trump years were a relief, although he knew the deep state never stopped working for evil.
But now, the unthinkable had happened, and that Bernie guy had won the presidency. Goddam commie. How was this possible? Sure, President Trump–Trump would always be *his* President–he had made a few missteps. The recession and the massive tent cities were bad PR. And that incident with Angela Merkel, the one which caused a break in diplomatic relations between US and Germany–people thought that was a big deal, although who needs Germany anymore? They should be taking better care of their local Muslims, he muttered.
So now, Barfie was President. Brokie? He really needed to come up with a better nickname for him. He had a lot of fun with “Obummer” during Barack’s tenure, but he just wasn’t feeling as creative right now.
Anyway, now was not the time for fun–it was time to be vigilant. Thank goodness he was self-employed and mostly worked from home, so he only left the house when absolutely necessary, and never unarmed. Fox News kept him informed about the goings-on in the outside world–the Great American Crisis, as they called it. He had started seeing black and brown kids walking around his neighborhood. What were they up to? Where did they come from? Another sign of the times he was living in.
It would be gradual. First, taxes would go higher and higher, so they could fund all those government programs. He already had some dumb bitch at his door a few days earlier, telling him about a public health care program he could sign up for. It would be less expensive, she said. He slammed the door in her face. He was no fool.
Soon, they would want everybody to stop driving. He remembered when they built that light rail line near his house. He had known that was trouble even back then. If these people had their way, everyone would be riding a bicycle. And if they couldn’t force him to bike, he would end up on some stupid train with a bunch of loud and smelly assholes who didn’t speak English half the time.
Then the final blow: they would come for the homes. These leftie planners didn’t like the suburbs with the big yards and parking lots. They would take the houses and move everyone into tiny apartments in the city, so that the space could be given back to nature, or some stupid shit like that. Not that he hated nature. He had hunted since he was a little kid. Animals had been created by God as a special gift for man’s enjoyment, and he appreciated that.
By the time they would take his house, the gun confiscation program would have been completed, so he would either be dead or in prison by then. At least he hoped so. He didn’t want to be around to see this. Although he was planning to put up a hell of a fight before he went out, that was for sure.
Once they got all the people crammed together in the city, they would be easy to control. Then the social engineering could really get rolling. The only jobs available would be in government-owned factories and stores. No freedom at all. Going to church would be forbidden. Women could be ordered to get abortions. Hell, they would probably outlaw soda and fast food, and make the sheeple eat a mandatory vegan diet. He shook his head at the thought.
The day of reckoning hadn’t come yet. But it wouldn’t take much longer, he figured. And when it did, he would be right here waiting for it, with his television on and his gun in his hands.
eurobrat 
05/29/2018 at 4:54 am
It’s almost like you know some of these people….
05/29/2018 at 11:15 am
I think I’m a little too good at getting inside of their heads at this point. I may need to take a break from this topic for a while.
05/29/2018 at 11:34 am
I get it!
05/29/2018 at 4:29 pm
Why… you’ve just described half of my fellow high school alumni. Amazing! – Marty
05/30/2018 at 10:25 am
Oh no, Marty…so sorry to hear that!
06/07/2018 at 10:30 am
The America this dip-shit describes…it sounds like the closest thing to paradise possible!
Clearly, this is another instalment in your series of Fairy Tales, right? Next thing you’re going to tell me is that this place has no unending wars and no constant surveillance of everyone.
06/09/2018 at 8:37 pm
I don’t know about paradise…but I do think this is a vastly exaggerated version of what people here think would happen if a progressive (or what they would call a “commie”) would win an election.
06/14/2018 at 12:19 pm
To be fair, there’s some truth in that. The way our economic & political systems have been manipulated & bastardized, an actual “paradise” really would be the worst conceivable thing for our system’s “stakeholders”. and others would become collateral damage.
For example: the Military Industrial Spy Complex (MISC Industries) would be obliterated. Not by the so-called enemies it laughably “protects” us from, but by a world in which we all got along peacefully. No demand for their products. Seeing as an ever-increasing share of remaining manufacturing jobs are in killing & spying, peace is now horrible for jobs & the economy. That’s just the most obvious of millions of examples.
On the flip-side…while our current systems are configured perfectly for their “stakeholders”, (MISC Industries, con artists, thieves, amoral sociopaths and…to be redundant…advertisers) they are -er- “less than optimal” for virtually everyone else. At best, they allow people to eek out enough not to starve to death in a world of plenty….For now. But that “stakeholder problem” will soon be cured by technology.
As some wise old man…I’m struggling to remember his name (What could it be?)… once said, “Our current system is built exclusively for the benefit of the 1%.”
Or, maybe it was a 70’s sitcom character’s catch phrase. Can’t remember.
06/14/2018 at 7:04 pm
I suppose I’m a good example of that, as I would like to see single payer health care come to pass in the States someday…but as soon as it does, I will lose my job. Just like all the people currently employed by the military industrial complex.
I do imagine some of things about the “paradise” pictured in my story would be bad for us, not just the stakeholders…I have to admit, for instance, that I would not like having my suburban home + yard taken away from me. But that’s just because I am transforming into the soccer mom type, minus the kids….hahaha.
Still, the point is that even with Bernie as President, most of this guy’s conspiracy theory scenario wouldn’t happen anyway. I’m sure there would be a loyally obstinate Congress to block his vision, just as there was with Obama (and they wouldn’t even have to be Republicans!). There would be the media and whatever the latest polls of the American public would have to say. I’m assuming that unlike Trump, Bernie would actually care about what American voters think….
06/22/2018 at 11:35 am
While it does make change harder, the American political system’s genius is that ensures no one branch of government dominates too much. It’s especially good at slowing the “binge-purge” a 2 party system naturally creates. Unfortunately these days, ALL branches are completely out of touch with what the American people need.
As for your private insurance gig, think of it “job training” for a government job in a Medicare-For-All future. As long as you work toward it, you can rightfully sleep at night (provided you’re not in the Claim Auto-Denial Dept.) People in the insurance field will probably have the inside track for those much better government insurance jobs.
But that’s a good point. We must ALL honestly look at our own collaboration…and contrast it with what little most of us actually get from it (See: Canadian CEOs “earn” more than their average employee’s annual salary by 11AM Jan 2nd! http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/ceo-income-pay-canadian-worker-1.4462496 Who’d have thought 2 hours of a CEO’s hangover recovery time could be as productive as an average employee’s entire year? Our economic system, that’s who!
I’m sure I don’t need to preach. (Since when has that ever stopped me???) But I’m positive you realize that modern suburbs are absolutely dreadful in terms of their impact on: the environment, public transportation, human isolation, retail scale & unemployment levels, corporate power and mindless consumerism. (But if you don’t get one of the above, feel free to ask me.)
But like a pack of retarded lemmings, we stampede towards suburbia. In the process, we create a feedback loop where (because of how the economic system works) it becomes increasingly harder to do anything but. For example, the more people shop in malls & big box stores instead of Main St, the harder it becomes for people to actually shop on Main St.
Well meaning people are routinely sabotaged by the sheer number of assholes who only care about their immediate wants & the fucktards who can’t/won’t grasp how their actions are shooting themselves in the balls. (I got a great Canuckistan example I’ll soon post as it’s own thread.)
06/24/2018 at 7:04 pm
I’ve been hopeful that my current job might lead to a government health care job someday. Of course…these days that doesn’t seem very likely. But we’ve all seen that social and political norms can shift very quickly…so I’m not giving up that hope yet.
And I will certainly not try to stop you from preaching. (Although..since when has preaching ever stopped me from doing something?) That being said, I do understand the downsides of suburbia. As much as I loved the fantasy of living in a studio apartment when I was younger, my life is not likely to go in that direction any time soon. Just how it goes sometimes.
07/02/2018 at 10:48 am
A prime example of voters shooting themselves in the balls just occurred here in “enlightened” Canuckistan. I mentioned back in March the oddly familiar “Moderate Blonde vs Unhinged Righty” leadership race for the Ontario Progressive Conservative Party (PC) that produced EXTREMELY suspicious results to say the least. https://eurobrat.wordpress.com/2018/01/10/the-mission-trip/#comment-6205
Well, guess who won the election? As I predicted, (ALWAYS listen to Sedate Me’s predictions!) Rob Ford’s “more respectable” brother won in a landslide bigger than was predicted for the moderate PC leader Ford replaced. (That guy quit 3 months before the election he was going to win because of some alleged “handiness” with female staff. Very suspicious, if only because of the timing.) Somehow, the “high-negatives radical” Ford did better than the moderate he replaced. Defies logic, right? Well, unless you’ve paid attention to the success of the increasingly unhinged Republicans for the last 25 years.
The PCs got 61% of the seats with only 40.5% of the votes. The socialist NDP (lead by a woman) got 33.6% of votes and 32% of the seats. The lacklustre, centrist, Liberals (lead by a gay-married lesbian) ruled-by-hypnosis for the last 15+ years, but inspired exactly nobody along the way. They were like a glass of pop that’s been sitting there for 10 days. They crashed & burned (7 seats) and don’t even qualify as an official party anymore. Oddly, the Liberal collapse actually made the election results closer. Most centrist Liberals moved left to vote for the more inspiring NDP. (Hmm. Reminds me of something I said in 2016…something about bland, “same-old-same-old”, moderates matching up badly against charismatic, righty, populists promising bigly action.)
Anyway, the relevant part here is that Ford won complete control in Canada’s biggest, most important and most moderate. And NOT just because of the PC’s traditional “Riches & Rurals” coalition. They won it in the middle-class suburbia surrounding Toronto. Why? Because the PCs promised income tax cuts, gas tax cuts and cheaper electricity. They put their personal pocket money ahead of both society’s needs and their own long-term interests. (See: suburban values)
What makes this selfish, short-term, thinking even worse is that Ontario fell for this shtick in the 90’s. Even the PC leadership race was strikingly similar. The radical righty man narrowly beat the centrist woman in an untested voting method that produced dubious results. In keeping with “then-vs-now” differences, the PC platform was FAR more intellectual & comprehensive than 2018’s. But key elements in both were big tax cuts and cheaper electricity.
It was a debacle. Electricity actually got more expensive and precious few noticed their “big tax cuts”. I had a full-time job there at the time and my tax cut was a whopping $6 a month!!! In exchange, The PC’s spending cuts closed dozens of schools & hospitals and there were huge hits to all social services. And the Ontario political climate was the most uncivilized since the Upper Canada Rebellion of 1837. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upper_Canada_Rebellion Very un-Canadian stuff.
Because the spineless Liberals did virtually nothing to reverse PC structural/funding changes, schools & hospitals are still closing and social services haven’t improved. So the drastic effects of these Conservative policies are still being felt. That’s what makes this idiotic election result even more idiotic. Despite the recent history, educated, middle-class suburbanites in Canada’s “flag bearer” province CHOSE a little more pocket change over education, healthcare…and civility. In short, “Put a few bucks more in my pocket and fuck everybody else!”
07/02/2018 at 8:25 pm
Reminds of the promised tax cuts Trump offered his supporters…hope they appreciate that extra few bucks when they can no longer afford their health care.
But yeah, Rob Ford’s brother…I have already heard about him from other pissed off Canadian friends. He’s about as popular as the Donald with them….